Wait, it’s almost the 4th of July already? Wasn’t
it just like Memorial Day? Why does the time between Memorial Day and the 4th
seem to fly by? Even if you’re sober. It’s just not fair, it’s just not right.
We need more summer. We need more beach, pool, coolers, Frisbee, hiking,
hammocks, suntan lotion. . We need more time here, we need a longer summer. So
I have come up with an idea-June 40st. Who doesn’t want a longer
summer? More time for pool parties and BBQs. More time for college girls to
take bikini pics on Insta. And I am pretty sure this will benefit the farmers
as well. Someone track down Willie Nelson and Neil Young, and I believe they
will agree with me. I think they’re currently splitting the Chairman of
Agriculture position.
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| You DO know what this is the source picture for, right? |
We all know summer gets the short shrift anyway. Doubt me?
Go into any store like Target or Bed Bath & Beyond. Up until July 4th,
everything in the front of the store is all about summer; BBQ supplies, patio
stuff, American flags, etc. I assure you, come July 5th, all that
shit is GONE. Even worse, it’s replaced by the dreaded Back To School BS. Look,
I want all those little rugrats out of my way whenever I venture out into the
general public, but even a miser like me says this is too much. Give the kids a
summer fer chrissakes!
Yup, so I am proposing we add 10 (ten) days onto June. It
makes perfect sense, as most of my whacked out ideas do. Who doesn’t want an
extra ten days of summer? It’s win win!
Kevin, you just can’t arbitrarily add ten days to the
calendar, it doesn’t work that way. You have to take the 10 days from somewhere
else.
Whoa, who dafuq let you into the bathroom? I’m taking a
dook, writing this shit out (like, literally). And you want an explanation? Ok,
fine. We’ll get rid of the week between the Pro Bowl and the Super Bowl.
Nothing gets done that week, anyway. Unless you live in Philadelphia, Cleveland
or Buffalo.
That date always
changes. You can’t take a week that always moves.
Really? You’re splitting hairs, here. OK. We’ll take the
week from February. That’s the shortest month anyway. No one will notice. Hell,
if I can even work it to get rid of Valentine’s Day, even better.
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| Ugh. Brilliance is always met with resistance. Go with me here, folks. |
UUGGHHHH. Can’t we just add ten days to the calendar? Who
said the Greeks got it right, anyway? The 4th of July is when- the 4th
of July? In the old June, that’s 4 days after the last day of June-the 30th.
So, new June will now absorb that date, and the 4th of July will be
celebrated on June 34th. You pinko commies want to fight me on that
one? Happy June 34th America!
Now every year is 374 days.
OK, hotshot, what
about Leap Years?
What am I, am mathematician here? Look, we’ll have three years
to figure that shit out. I’ll have top men working on it. Top men.
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| Kev's Warehouse of Whacked Out Ideas |
We can’t NOT afford to do this. Here’s what not having the
extra 10 days of summer looks like.
Pretty bleak, huh?
Now here’s what those 10 extra days of summer looks like.
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| Frolicking like a boss. |
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"I would like to have your hot buns as well." |
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| Something smells fishy here. |
OK, fine a little eye candy for my 2 female readers as well.
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| I swore I'd never put selfies of me on my blog, but here we are. |
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| Gettin' my swole on. (And what's the deal with the hair on the guy in the bottom right?) |
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| Very nice, |
You're welcome, ladies.
Still, you can’t just
add 10 extra ten days. You have to be, like the President or something.
President? Look, I’m just a dopey white guy with bad hair
and no prior experience. But “president’ you say….hmm….
.
#VoteForKev2020
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