Actors Who Piss Me Off; Matthew McConaughey

Longtime Missile readers will remember a bit I used to do about Rockstars Who Piss Me Off. It’s been awhile since I did one of these, but I saw something today that just fucking pissed me off. Read on.

First of all, I never had a particular ax to grind with Matt McConaughey. Like most men I know, I can’t say I’ve ever seen any of his movies. I can’t name any of his movies, so I don’t know if that even stands as him not ever having a hit movie. I do ‘fess up to being in the room for a bit while T was watching the one with Boobless Hudson trying to dump a guy. But I immediately left the room as soon as I saw this. I don’t know much about the man himself. A brief search reveals he apparently doesn’t like wearing a shirt, and at least on one occasion, was found naked playing bongos with another man. Infer what you want.

I know this guy is supposedly what many women consider “hot”. I don’t get it. He seems to have eyebrows that extend out over his eyes. He has wiry, balding hair. Personally, I don’t get him at all. I may not know much about Matthew McConaughey, but this I do know.

He is a flaming asshole.

How do I know this? I base this on the following article, which can be sourced at http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2008/08/08/entertainment/e140304D70.DTL
Just listen to what this pompous airhead is doing. The actor kept the placenta from the July birth of his son and plans to plant it in an orchard, he tells CNN's "House Call with Dr. Sanjay Gupta. It's going to be in the orchards and it's going to bear some wonderful fruit," he says.

Well, geez, let’s tell the world just how really special the placenta from my drunken mistake’s birth is. Hey Dickwad, shut the fuck up, no one wants to hear this horse shit. I originally found this story from a headline on the bottom of TV. There was even a more bombastic boast, something like McConaughey saying his afterbirth tree will provide fruit for generations to come. What a crock of steaming horse shit. Let’s break down this shallow Hollywood logic, shall we?

First of all, just where does one store the placenta? Do you just throw is in some Tupperware and put it in the fridge? Or will a ZipLock bag do the trick? And it’s not only that he saved it, it’s that now he’s going on TV trumping about this, like he his some sort of Superparent, far better than some ham and egger raising his kids. He goes on in the article about how this is a ritual in Australia, and all the placenta tress grew higher than the natural trees.

This is fucking Australia we’re talking about here. The land of Crocodile Dundee, Men at Work and Crowded House. At least he didn’t name his kid Dingo. Now I don’t know if this is all legit, but it sounds like a crock to me.

Next, I don’t like the inference that he is “giving back to nature”. I believe the current, hip term is “going green”. Pul-leeze. I’ve said it before on the old .com message board, and it is true to this day.

You cannot call yourself green or environmentally friendly if you have kids. Period. Case closed.

That is an overtly harsh stance to have, but it is true. Think about it. Just by having even one kid, all the trash and waste it will exponentially create over its life. The biggest danger to this planet is us; people. The last thing we need is more of them to further tax our natural resources. But, no, this McConaughey kid is so damn special and comes from such great genes, that his afterbirth has to be buried in an orchard. Wow, that Matty sure is forward thinking. Sure, it’s Ok his cumdribble can use tons and tons of plastic, oil, oxygen, food etc. It’s Ok, because his placenta will help grow, like one totally bitchin’ peach tree or something. That will more than make up for the resources he will eat up.

And it’s not like Mc Conaughey will be raising this kid himself. Please. He’s a celebra-parent. He’s not gonna raise him, it’s more like his Ecuadorian housekeeper will raise him. Matt has got more guys to play naked bongos with. You can’t raise a kid with that kind of schedule. Listen to this asshole, not only will his kid’s tree be the best, but it will bear “some wonderful fruit”. Huh? Just what is the definition of wonderful fruit? Anderson Cooper? (Zing!)

Mc Conaughey sure must be some spermicidal superman. Not only is the afterbirth he spawned going to grow the strongest tree, it’s going to bear the best fruit. What an ego on this fucktard. Let me guess, this McConaughey fruit will be sold at a premium at some haughty-taughty Hollywood chic store. Gag me.

Ugh, it’s empty headed assholes like this that fire me up.