The Wildwood Story; Title Hopes

I think you know me to be an honest kinda fella. But, truth is, I’ve been hiding something from you. I have my reasons. I will call your attention to an analogy that has seemed to be running through my pathetic existence the last few years; life is like Charlie Brown trying to kick that damn football. And for the last 8 months, I have seen that ball teed up right in front of me. Not taunting me or mocking me; just there. Enough distance that it wouldn’t be tantalizingly close to me. But has time has gone on, it has come closer. I mean, this is very good news for me and all. But it is just my pessimistic nature to not jinx it or call attention to it. The last thing I want to do is make a big deal, only for that bitch Lucy to come along and swipe the ball just as I kick. But now I have reason to believe that it will happen.

Something I wrote is going to be published. Like, semi-real deal, ink and paper published. Using my real name, and will be read by thousands of people published. Retelling a tale that was vital in my youth. About a topic that is near and dear to my cold, black heart. Surprisingly, this has nothing to do with fart jokes.

I wrote a ‘piece’ as real deal writers like to call these things. I submitted it to a paper, and they are going to run it. And this is no Penny Saver BS. The fine institution that will give the rest of the ignorant world my brilliance publishes five issues a year, and my article will be featured for the spring edition. Sure, it’s no NY Times, but who writes for that rag these days anyway? This is quite the thrill for your esteemed Klogger. On top of that, the topic is about something I love; the beach.

So now as this all gears up, it seems tailor made to Klog about. Writing about writing. I am sure you can throw in some BS Seinfeld reference, but I never watched that show. So how this all came to be follows. Last April, my wife and I had the opportunity to go to Wildwood, NJ for a few days. This was a big deal to me, as my obsession with all things beach started with my one weekend all summer I got to spend in Wildwood. (You can search out those Klogs with the summer tag) I had been away from Wildwood for about 20 years, so I was really looking forward to returning. It’s funny how many of those memories are so vivid.

We went down and had a blast. Part of the trip was to revisit the house my sisters and their friends rented for a few summers. When I was a kid, my entire year was based around the one lone weekend I would get to go to Wildwood. Those brief trips actually taught me a lot. It taught me how to save, as I would squirrel away my paper route money for months in advance. It taught me the value of having good times with good friends. The place we stayed in –basically a converted garage-taught me that I don’t need the finest things in life to have a good life. Er, wait a minute, being an unemployed loser taught me that. I learned that the beach is where I want to live one day. At the rate I’m going, I might be homeless under the boards, but that still counts.

So when I came back from this trip, I had a ton of material floating around in my head. So I do what I always do, huffed some gold spray paint and got to writing it out. I liked the resulting Klog, if not my keyboard being colored in gold. While we were down there, I brought back every paper they had. I felt like I was bringing a little piece back with me. One of the papers I brought back was mostly about people reminiscing about their favorite Wildwood memories. A light went off. Damn faulty switch.

I revisited the resulting Klog. I tore it apart (removed all the zombie references, didn’t think that would fly), drastically shortened and re-edited it and added some new material. Voila, I have a story. Feeling all WTF, I sent if off to this fine publication. Lo and behold, they will run it, but not till next spring, as it is spring themed. OK, a tease, but something to keep my eye on down the road.

Cripes, this Klog is going on too long already.

I made a rookie mistake. I never actually titled the story. The Klog name wasn’t going to work. So I had one weekend to come up with a title. In essence, it seems so easy, right? Just a few words, and you’re good to go.

Well, if it was that easy, would I be Klogging about it? Turns out it’s pretty damn difficult. Title is all important. If you have a good, appealing, original title, more people are apt to read it. Have a bland, boring, mundane title, and most people think it reads like a WEA new release book (ZING! But only my old work friends would get that one.) Cripes, this is tough. It seems far too easy to use some pap like “Summers of my Youth” or some such. I wanted to somehow work Wildwood in there as well. Because, surely, no one uses that in a Wildwood paper.

I feel the same torment parents must feel when naming their kids. This is my first published piece, is there some sort of bad karma if I give it a dud title? Will I forever rue the day I named it “Kev’s Totally Awesome Scenes of Neon Summers”? Maybe I shouldn’t stay away from the Summer Teeth pun? Man, all the hard work is done, I just gotta slap a title on the thing. I even try to do the cool singer/songwriter move. I go over the piece again, just looking for any random string of words that just might be a good title. No such luck, and who the hell wrote this drivel?

I spend many hours staring at the PC and the ceiling, trying to come up with that magic collection of words that will pop. I didn’t want anything too cutesy. I am always against alliteration. (Please tell me you got that joke.) No sense in rhyming anything. A witty turn of phrase would be nice, but I can’t come up with any to fit the bill. I know the clock is ticking.

Not that I fancy myself a word nerd or anything. But I do have certain words I like. One of those words suddenly pops up; no it’s not “motard”. That’s it! That will work! I think the word really pops. My only fear is that people don’t readily know what it means. I don’t want to be getting “writerly” all over their ass. It works and is original and I think at the very least will draw people in just to see WTF it means. I am happy, and really that’s all that matters. I wonder if every great writer or artist goes through this process every time. Not that much of my stuff will be published (outside of the music reviews), but I just don’t see an audience for a Klog like “Mandy Moore Watches Me Pee”. And that is really a travesty.

By now you are surely screaming, “What’s the damn title?” I can’t tell you. I can’t tell you because it gives me all the power. That’s just how insecure I am. No, really, I am afraid some bad karma will strike, or the very least someone could Google it, and end up here. Yea, I don’t think most of these Klogs would fit well with that crowd. I am just that damn good of a writer, I can write for many audiences. And I know that audience probably wouldn’t enjoy a Klog like “F the PH”. Call me Kreskin.

So look for this to be a series of posts, as I have plenty more neuroses to cover about my future award winning article.