Friday, July 24, 2015

God Is Not Your Homie and The Devil Never Gets His Due

You know who has it easy on the internet these days? God. Think about it, anytime something good or fortuitous (thank you, SpellCheck) happens, he’s the first to get credit. Nice days, strokes of luck, etc. But, goddamn (see what I did there) whenever an event of equal negative consequence happens, God ain’t around. You never see a losing fighter say, “Well, I guess God just liked the other guy better tonight.” Nope, God gets off scot-free for anything bad. You never hear anyone say, “Why did God let all those innocent people get killed?” or “Why did God let that guy crash that plane?” Nope, no one says it.

Look, God ain’t just a one deity business, there are many flavors of god. There’s the Jewish one, the Christian one, the chubby Buddha god, Clapton, whoever is repping the Hindus these days, and on. While I certainly think you should freely follow the god of your choosing, the problem I have is when all these high and mighty nudniks put off “god” as their own personal god.

Here’s the impetus (look it up) behind today’s post. Through the ever changing feed on my FB, I saw the following post. I will certainly protect the innocent and ignorant here, and the post is edited to keep things anonymous, but went along the lines of:

                I have some bittersweet news. My new job couldn’t have come at a better time. I just found out that the job I just gave notice to is letting 50 people in my dep’t go. I would have been included in this layoff but PRAISE BE TO GOD. He opened a door for me to avoid the layoff and lead me to a much better position making more money. GOD IS SO GOOD AND TRUE TO HIS WORD.
                Just like God provided for the Israelites during the plagues, He provides for His people even today. Despite our sins, He provides for our needs. Praise be to Jesus and glory to God.
                Please take a second to pray for my colleagues who don’t even know they will be losing their jobs in 2 weeks.
                I thank GOD for putting me in in places to get extra info so I could see we were being lied to.

Wow! Just ….wow!

There are just so many things out and out wrong about this statement, least of all the people actually liking it. When it comes to social media, I think you should be able to freely post whatever you want. My own personal stance is to not post anything about religion or politics because they are both deeply personal issues.  And quite frankly, while I agree with the sentiment that you can express your thoughts on religion, the fact of the matter is most of the time it offends me. I do my best to just let it go, but the above really fired me up. Fired me up so much, I arose from my couch, shaking off a blanket of empty beer cans, disappointment and Dorito dust, and marched up two whole flights of stairs to voice my dismay. And put on my “writing pants.”

So let’s explore the many flaws in statements like this.  Above all, the thing that angers me the most is this is not “our God.” This is not “my god” or “your god.” No, it’s “his God.” How fucking dare you push your concept of “god” on me. Know why this isn’t “our God?” Because just look at what this knucklehead is saying; ”the same God who just majorly disrupted 49 other suckers lives spared me!” How condescending. What do those other 49 people think about “god” now? The same flawed logic this guy uses (“God is good, look at what he has provided for me!”) simply doesn’t fit the bill of the exact same god who just willingly left the other 49 shitheads unemployed. That is most certainly not the “god” of the 49 others, so how can it be the same “god” to him? Because it’s his notion of “god” the one who provides for him at the cost of others. Now, tell me, just what kind of “god” is that? Definitely not my “god.”

Then what follows is the typical “pray for the others” rigmarole. Probably just as bad is to listen to this elitist moron. “I know so much more than them, God gave me extra info, those poor saps don’t even know they are losing their jobs! But look at what god did for me because we’re besties!!!” (I almost wrote ‘God’ to start this next sentence, but I am not sure that would help or hurt my case.)  The statement about him knowing others are losing their jobs is just so unwarranted, it really is totally unnecessary. Hope the Heathen 49 aren’t friends with him on FB or tomorrow could be aawwwwkward.

How does this dipshit go into work tomorrow with a straight face? I sincerely doubt he has the grape fruits to go to the Sinful 49 and say, “The same God that spared me is the same one that just smited…smoten…whatever the past tense of smite is-you. Tough break, but it’s OK, I’m praying for you. Chin up, sport.”

I see posts like this all the time. But, man, it doesn’t matter, because every time something good happens, God is there to take all the credit. Where’s “God” for the 49 others? Where does God go when tragedies happen? You never see people wailing, “Why did God do this to me?” Nope. No, God is always there to take the credit but never the blame. (Which is also how many of my previous bosses operated.)

And while we’re at it, can we PLEASE stop with all the “Share this post and God will bless you” nonsense? Can someone please point where in the Bible it says, “God will shine down many fortunes to those who forward his statuses?” It doesn’t. In fact, I am pretty sure God is busy with other
God-like duties such as continuing to curse the Cubs and Maple Leafs than to monitor social media for those “spreading the Good Word.”
To be fair, I don't remember this passage in the Bible, either.

You know what, how come people never even blame Satan for tragedies? You never hear reporters saying, “Well, Tom, I am on the scene of the tragic train full of deaf orphans and blind kittens that caught fire, and was knocked over a cliff by an avalanche. Eyewitnesses tell me they don’t know what kind of “god” could allow this, but are pretty sure it’s the work of Satan.” Think about it, even the devil doesn’t get his due. Man, he must be pissed. At least the devil can look forward to all the married gays he will be getting in soon.

While on the topic, can I interview Russell Wilson and ask him what “God” sounds like? Does he have a gravelly voice, a European accent, sound suspiciously like Pete Caroll, etc? Yep, Russ claims “God” talked to him. The reason this isn’t front page news everywhere (ATHLETE ACTUALLY SPEAKS TO GOD!) is proof that everyone thinks this is a goof. You don’t see the Pope lighting up Wilson’s Twitter to ask questions about the Guy Upstairs. Because we all know this is a load of baloney. And if “God” really did talk to Wilson, I am sure the first thing he would say is, “Why did you throw the ball, shithead?” I guess “God” must be a Patriots fan, right?

Look, believe whatever you want. Hell, there was a time I was convinced Mick Foley was god, until he confessed that he was merely just “good.” Just use your head, and be aware “god” shouldn’t be a personal concept that only works when you find it convenient. That doesn’t make you religious; it makes you an asshole.

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