OK, so there I am-again-at the repair shop-again-getting my car fixed-again-for something to do with the coolant-again. In a very Rainman like fashion, I solve the 3 water-game puzzles they have. I don’t feel like reading any magazines-who dafuck reads these days, anyway? So I decide to watch the TV. And the Price Is Right is one. I haven’t seen this show in years. And it looks like they haven’t changed a thing. It still looks like the set of a bad 70’s space porno. As opposed to all the good 70s space porno.
Drew Carey is now the host, and I’ve always been a fan of his. I thought his show was really fucking funny and innovative, and still watch it to this day when I can find it. Drew’s always had that vibe of someone you can share a few beers with and laugh all night. Which is the same exact way you all feel about me, I’m sure. But of course, you’d be buying. Anywhoo, Drew is good on the show. He still uses that long narrow microphone that Bob Barker used for his 80+ year run on the show. Other than that, seemingly nothing has changed on the show. Regardless, if this was all I had to say, this would be a boring and unfunny Klog. I hope you would expect more, and I hope the following Klog brilliance suits the ‘more’ part.
Apparently, PIR still attracts a cult like following. I saw all kinds of motards with all kinds of gaudy homemade PIR/Drew shirt. Like there was a sale at the art store on cheap ass t-shirt graphics. There were groups of people dressed alike; almost like some sort of team. I guess this is how nerds play sports. When people are called, you’d think is was God personally granting their eternal salvation. It is now, with a much more wizened eye, I realized something about the show
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Gdamn, the prizes sure are shitty.
You all know how to play. 4 people are plucked from the crowd to bid on a prize. This round has what I would indeed call shitty prizes. For example, today I saw one of the prizes for this round was a drum set. A drum set? WTF? What the hell kind of prize is that for 2009? What, the hifi set wasn’t available? I think I am a pretty good judge of people, and I am willing to guess those 4 contestants were thinking “What the hell am I supposed to do with a drum set? I don’t even play.” And where the hell would you out the damn thing anyway?
Before we go any further, I should point out that there are a few character types when it comes to the contestants making the guesses for this round. There is one type that tries to play strategy. You can tell these types because they constantly ask questions like “What was the last bid?” and “What is the highest/lowest bid?” These people must not be fun to party with. The second type is the type to guess with bizarre numbers. Whereas most bids end in round numbers (1500, 2450, 799, etc), this clod will guess something like 1258, 423 and 2056. This type must surely drive their coworkers and families insane with their rampant OCD. The last type that I saw was the ones who always guess $1. Doesn’t matter what the prize is, that’s all they guess. Every damn time. I think they do this because they are lazy, stupid, or just don’t want the lame fucking prize.
Now we proceed to the second round. Here, the contestant has another game to play. The contestant is shown the prize, and the resulting game always has something to do with guessing the price. You would be astounded at how many of the same variations they have on the same fucking game. The prizes on this round are hit and miss. Sometimes I think it’s just the producers busting on the contestants. All I’m saying is maybe some forethought is in order. For example, a mid age woman most likely has little need for 2 fucking dirtbikes. (Sure, there are some cases where they can give them to kids, etc, but on the whole I’m talking about.)The woman today who had the opportunity to claim these fantastic prizes couldn’t have been that thrilled. If I’m in her shoes 1) I’m feeling my boobs and 2) I’m thinking what a pain in the ass it’s gonna be to sell these things. It’s bad enough I will have to pay taxes on it. (You do know that if you ever win anything on TV, you have to pay taxes on it, right?) It would be a serious dilemma if I even wanted to win the damn things or not.
This round of the show also encourages audience participation. There is always a part when the contestant cluelessly looks to the crowd for help and guidance. All you see is a mass of faces and fingers; all saying different things. I mean, these are people who have nothing better to do in the middle of the day than to sit in a game show audience. What can be more pathetic? Writing about people who sit ….uh…never mind. Next paragraph please.
Another prize was a washer and dryer, a buffet server and a water-ski set. All in all, necessary prizes, but stuff most people generally have, or have little need for. What good is a water-ski set if you don’t have access to a damn boat? Again, pessimist I am, I would be thinking “Fuck, I just got a washer and dryer not too long ago, what the hell am I gonna do now? Where am I gonna store this shit? Where will I move my drum set to make space? Does anyone need my old ones?” In fact, if it was me, and I had just won the washer & dryer, I would immediately give out my email address and say, “If anyone wants to buy my old washer and dryer, shoot me an email.” The game for this prize was to guess which object was mispriced. I incorrectly guessed the buffet server. Turns out the ‘legit’ price of the buffet server (a small metal holder that warms food) was really $750. $750 for a fucking buffet server? Shit, you know how many good buffets you can eat for that kind of scratch?
Not all the prizes here are bad. I did see a big screen TV and cabinet, a wine bar (because wine drinkers watch the Price Is Right) and the requisite “……A NEW CAR!” Not once did I see my favorite game-Plinko. I can watch that for hours.
The models aren’t all that hot, either. (Yes, I know, like I am one to judge) They look OK and all, but they give off the air that they are vapid and high maintenance. Give me real, human looking girls that look like a blast to drink with and might give up 5th base, and I will watch. Also, make ‘em wear stripper boots. Man, Hollywood, you listening? Free advice here.
I remember back in the day on Wheel of Fortune, you had to spend the money you won. After you solved the puzzle, the ‘showroom’ would emerge. The showroom was a revolving stage of overpriced shit. What a buzzkill that you win a nice amount of money, now you HAVE to spend it at the Wheel of Fortune Store. And everything was fugly and overpriced. O, the look of pain on the contestants face as they has to shell out $800 for a hideous ceramic dog. I can still hear contestants saying things like “Well, OK, Pat, for $3000 I will take the tin ashtray.” I believe once you got you money down to a certain amount, you got the rest in cash. But I am sure it was like $200 or less.
That’s all I got to say. It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.
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