Reading Hate Mail

Almost three years ago, I wrote this post, that still generates a lot of hits for this here site. Perhaps you should go read it so you know what we're talking about here. The cheap hits will also help my Google ranking, so we all win!

Yesterday, I got this hate mail about it.

Shut the fuck up! this is a rotten pool of slimy leeches who feed off government entitlements and thinks the world owes them. And Kevin, are you gonna tell me you don't google EVERY person you meet? You're a fucking disgusting loser who probably lives at home, Stares at useless shit all day on your computer, downloads speed metal from Itunes using your mommy's credit card, smokes pot all day, and lives about 90% of the time in your pajamas. You call getting a few e-mails in your junk box harassment? Do you write blogs about every piece of junk mail you get? Do what normal people do when they receive junk mail, DELETE IT!! What an asshole,

Ah, there is nothing to spark the ol' creative fires than a piece of hate mail. I'll be honest, I get stoked when I get any kind of feedback, pro or con. Actually, that's a lie. I want the hate mail. When I write something and get no feedback at all, it gives me the sads. I try to write provocative, edgy, honest things. And when I get no feedback on it, it makes me think, “Wow, there really are a bunch of messed up motherfuckers out there.”

So I was quite intrigued when this showed up. And while I haven't been able to spend much time here on K Theory, it's because I have other obligations since this piece ran. Since the post in question, I have been rather content at a job I mostly like for the last 2 ½ years. It has afforded me with money to keep a standard of life that I believe would be classified as 'lower middle class'. The job has sent me to some cool places and given me some cool opportunities. Also, I have had a few writing gigs. I have got two things published so far, and have gained valuable experience working for a few different sites doing a few different things. One day, I hope to get paid for all this fucking writing work, but that's another story.

And while we're on the topic, this has been pretty much the most popular thing I've written so far for K Theory. (The other piece is from a few years back on Spokeo, another possible “scam”. Coincidence?) For a long time, it was the top entry in Google, which I imagine still has to burn Fred's britches. Since the last time I checked many moons ago, it has sadly fallen to #3. #1 is now a piece on AIL possibly being a scam. #2 is Fred's LinkedIn account, and this is #3. So 2 of the top 3 are negative pieces. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

To give my emailer a fair shake, and check his argument, I went back to read the original piece, as well as the ensuing thread. After I finished pissing my pants because it was so damn funny, I felt in the proper place to fairly evaluate his argument. So let's do this piece by piece.

Shut the fuck up! this is a rotten pool of slimy leeches who feed off government entitlements and thinks the world owes them.

You wouldn't be my First Lady, but you damn sure would be my last.

Just what is this “rotten pool” you refer to? I love how almost right away this turns into a political debate. I will admit to not being politically savvy at all, so I don't know how to make sense of that argument. Apparently, I am also pro-Obama. I don't know that I would consider that true. I'll level with you. The last time I voted was 2007 for Sara Underwood, and at least she won.

And Kevin, are you gonna tell me you don't google EVERY person you meet?

HEY! How do you know my name? Oh, wait a minute... No, I do not Google every person I meet. Just the hot ones. Hell, I'm doing that right NOW. With God as my witness, I didn't know she had that tattoo there.

You're a fucking disgusting loser who probably lives at home,

OK, you got me there on both counts. I still consider myself a loser, yes, even disgusting at times. And yes, you're are right, I live at home. My home. That I've been paying a mortgage on (even when I was unemployed) for like 10 years now. And one day, it will be all mine at 60% of what I paid for. I suppose you could argue politics on that last point as well, so feel free to.

Stares at useless shit all day on your computer,

Right again here, Criss Angel. All day I stare at the site I use to report things for work, and watch it drag, glitch, freeze and disappear. But at night I stare at porn and DogShaming.com. So if you're calling hot naked chicks and cute puppy dogs 'useless' shit, I care not to know you. And, hey, you're the one who found my site.

downloads speed metal from Itunes using your mommy's credit card,

Damn it, anonymous internet stranger, it's like you're inside my head! Lately, I have been finding myself getting into Maiden, Motorhead, etc. Prime metal stuff that I didn't pay enough attention to. Does that count as speed metal? And who downloads songs from iTunes anymore? You know music is, like, free on the internet, right?

smokes pot all day

Without an ounce of a lie, I can tell you I've never done an illegal drug in my life. Never smoked a joint, dropped acid, took a pill. Really. I will gladly allow skin, blood or hair samples to back me up. Ask your mom for my semen sample.

and lives about 90% of the time in your pajamas.

Dude, wouldn't that fucking rule! Who isn't looking for a job where they wear their pajamas? But, no sadly, I don't. I sport business casual all day; polo shirt, pants, shoes.

You call getting a few e-mails in your junk box harassment? Do you write blogs about every piece of junk mail you get?

Actually, yes I do. Since this ran, I have secured some regular writing gigs. I have done the occasional 'respond to hate mail' bit. I love reader generated content, makes life much easier for me. In fact, one of my regular gigs is an advice column where I answer emails from dipshits like you.

Do what normal people do when they receive junk mail, DELETE IT!!

OK, you got me there. Internet point for you.

What an asshole,

Dad? Well, I can only assume when you left the comma hanging out there, that you had more vitriol to spew forth, but suddenly decided you had sufficiently put me in my place. Kudos to you.

Whoever you are, I sincerely thank you. You brief email on a piece that ran almost three years ago does warm my heart. You let me know I am doing my job. It gave me that spark of creativity I have been looking for. In fact, I am now inspired to keep writing material for one of my side jobs at the cost of other obligations I had tonight. I do appreciate you voicing your opinion.