Klog

Originally written 3/2/2007

OK, I admit; as I type this, it’s “filler”. You know, like most cuts on, say, a Sony or EMI cd. But it has potential to be deserving of being called a good post. As I type, I have one general idea/theme to get across, and that’s it. One hook with a few elaborations. And it might turn into a bit of a declaration. So let’s see where I ramble on-

Longtime readers –and by that, I mean people who have been reading the Miss for months or years, as opposed to those dimwits who might take 4 hours to read a 10 minute newsletter-will know my disdain for the word “blog”. Blog is just a nasty sound word. It sounds like a synonym for phlem. “Man, I don’t know what my problem is, I’ve been hacking up blogs all damn day” Blog sounds like it’s a yellow/green viscous mix mucus that has stink lines emanating from it. Blogosphere, blogging-all that stuff just sounds ugly & nasty. I would much rather ‘write ‘ about something than ‘blog’ about it. First of all, there’s like a million fucking ‘bloggers’ out there. Lord knows if anyone reads what the hell they’re ‘blogging’ about. Bloggers sound like bitter techno nerds who sit in the basement and deconstruct Stargate episodes or Futurama DVDs. But not me. I’d rather ‘write’, even if I do fall into the very same category of “who the hell reads me”. That’s OK, I know a few folks who I have some things in common with drop in from time to time. I guess after all, it’s just about getting a thought out, and not about how many people may have read it. Though I do admit I do get stoked when people read the message board (notice I didn’t say “blog’). I get jazzed when I see the occasional reply as well.

I have now found a way to get around this ‘blog’ situation. I have to give credit to someone who does kinda the same thing, and his first initial is P, so he christened in the “plog”. Using that formula, I now christen this the Klog. It works on 2 levels. 1) it puts my name into the title, and this is all about me and 2) klog is just a misspelling of clog, which is funny because I can say I am klogging your head with my shit. Get it?

With putting a title to this, I see it’s time to give it some definition. Trying to come up with a way to nicely file it in a box is difficult. I will try to say what I do, by telling you what I won’t do.

I won’t prattle on and on about my kids. I won’t blather on and on about how my little junior is the most precious thing in the world, and is so advanced for his age, and so smart, he changed the oil in the car. I say this with a some point of reference. Years ago I worked with someone who I personally deemed a bit of a character. Her work ethic seemed fairly solid, but there was always a better-than-you attitude that went along with it. She was very judgmental yet trendy. If you didn’t agree with her thoughts than you were obviously a retard, and not deserving of the air she could fart out. She was quick to cut you down based on what you wore, yet she looked like a salvage store gone wrong. I remember she would always bust on my shoes. Ok, that’s fair game. I cop to having zero fashion sense. And I cop to having big feet-and you know what they say about guys with big feet. Anywhoo, I do have big boats, so trying to find something fashionable in a size 12 or 13 is pretty fricking impossible. You might as well just give me two shoeboxes and laces, and tell me to lace the boxes up. True I can get dressed in the dark, because most of my stuff is black, including sneakers. I think they make my feet look less boatish. And for some reason, large size flip flops are far easier to find, so there is an actual reason to wearing flips. But she would mock me, while wearing these hideous boots that Broom Hilda wouldn’t wear. But that’s OK. I saw that she built her esteem up by knocking others. I can take it. There sure must have been no mirrors in her house though.

She goes off on her own way. And she gets pregnant. She starts a not “metal” at all site, blogging about her first devil spawn. Posts follow about how this baby can shit gold, solve pi, and name all the presidents of Uruguay on site alone. How fast was that descent from smarter than thou to mushy mom? Face it toots, no one wants to hear it. Even more so with your second kid.

Concurrent with the above-and yes, I am getting to the point here-I know someone else who started a website named after his kid, and it’s more picture and video of said rugrat. While I am certain having kids is a joyous occasion, that ain’t gonna be me, and I see no need to play the “I’m a great parent” card, or bore you with another freeloader that you don’t give a rat’s ass about. I mean, really, if I wanted to do that, I would have started BauerTheMissilePup.com, and told you all about his every yelp. But I didn’t. So the point here is that I won’t prattle on about issues of that sort. Got it? But the other day, Bauer did the cutest thing….

The aim of the klog will be to have some discussion outside our music biz. I use this to talk about other things that just don’t fit the print newsletter. It will be full of relevant, cultural references. And you should feel free to comment. Consider this the first in a very occasional series of posts about what the klog isn’t. And if I can do that by cutting down people, hey, that sure makes me feel better. So look for more posts on this topic as I can this of the angle. Thanks for reading, consider yourself Klogged.

Added commentary

Just for shits & giggles, I checked out the 'blog' I referenced above that isn't so 'metal'. God, what a bunch of puke. She apparently writes every day about boring shit. She got her haircut. it rained over the weekend. It's not even fucking entertaining. It's bullshit like that that makes me want to write more compelling, edgy shit. Not everyday fucking tripe with no point. I would love to see what she looks like these days. I can't tell, since the site is nothing but 500 pictures of her offspring.

I, on the other hand, am kinda proud that I've written on different topics, with the point mostly being trying to make you laugh. I ain't here to waste your time.

Since I klogged this, it seems every motard has a blog. Overall, I think it's a good thing. I think writing can be a release, an outlet. I am still flattered whenever anyone says they read my stuff. They might say it sucked, but I am still flattered none the less. From my own POV, it's been a release valve for sure this last year plus. You know how challenging it is to make depression and rampant alcoholism funny? Excuse me as I end this commentary because I need a fresh drink....