Political Signs

I don’t care who you vote for. Really. I could care less. And you shouldn’t care less who I vote for. You can vote for McCain. You can for Obama. You can vote for a purple M&M or Miss February, really, I could care less. What I don’t get is these pinheads that dot their yard with political signs.

Call me old fashioned, but I really don’t think stuff like this should be very public. For me, neither guy blows me away. The very limited research I’ve done on both show me that neither share my political beliefs very much.

Sure enough as I walk Bauer, I see these signs up on people’s yards, and I just don’t get it. I just don’t care who you vote for. I am happy you feel so inclined as to broadcast it to the rest of the neighborhood, but really, what do those signs do? Some of ‘em are even specific. “Women for McCain”. “Drunken Irish for O’Bama” Stupid Mc’s.

Some people get into voting for the state representatives, congress, house, etc. Cripes, I am not that up on local politics to even know who to vote for. I shouldn’t be knocking these folks for being politically aware, I’m just saying no one else really cares, or should care.
It’s funny how most of the varied signs in a yard are pretty much all for one party. I think that’s being kind of blind. Just because this guy happens to be in your party of choice doesn’t automatically make him/her the best choice for the job. You don’t see very many Obama signs in the same yard as Republican signs.

I often think of creating my own bullshit signs to put up in my yard. Stuff like
I don’t freaking care who you vote for
If I vote for this guy, will you, too? Can we start a club?
I’m voting for ___________
Obama? Mc Cain? I’m voting for both

As we get closer to November, we’ll see more and more of these signs. They serve no real purpose; they shouldn’t sway anyone to vote for one over the other. Personally, if I see a bunch of signs spring up for one guy on the block, I am automatically gonna vote for the other guy. My neighbors are idiots. Those signs can work against the candidate if you think about it. If you see the town idiot has his yard covered in so and so’s signs, can you really vote for him? “Well, look, hon, Crazy Old Earl is voting McCain. Guess we’ll vote for Obama now.”

It’s an interesting campaign for sure. Either way history will be made; either a black guy is president of a woman will be VP. (I would be lax to not point out that 24 had both a black president and woman president.) Personally, I think McCain has it in the bag. I think Obama is the flashy choice, and I’m sure he has some good ideas. He seems to appeal to the younger voters. But I really think middle America will have trouble voting for a black guy. They might say they will, but once that curtain is closed, they’re voting McCain. I think the biggest knock against Obama is his damn name. Barack Obama. What the fuck is that. I mean, you have all the ideals that the voting public would want, and look like Whitey McWhitey, but when you have a name like Barack, it’s a bit hard to swallow. Although check me on this, but I believe in Hebrew Barack might mean William? I am not sure about that. I think if his name was like Joe Smith, or Tom Miller, people would have a much easier time voting for him. Having a last name that rhymes with Osama clearly doesn’t help either.

And what kind of writer would I be if I didn’t offer an idea? Here’s a better idea for your signs. Instead of just blindly plunking down a McCain sign, how about explaining why you are voting for so and so.
I’m voting Mc Cain because ____________
Obama’s my man because _____________
Now that’s far better PR for your guy than just his name, right?

If either of these pinheads wanted to sway me in the sign department, they would print up signs like “McCain is a douchebag”. Now something like that would turn heads. “Obama is a Muslim and all Muslims hate America”. Gimme something that edgy.

I think there is a large contingent of Americans who just aren’t happy with either choice. I mean, both take in millions and millions of dollars from international corporations and special interest groups. The rich don’t want to see anything change. The middle class is absolutely desperate these days, and neither will properly serve us. It’s all about big money. So here’s another one of my patented Brilliant Ideas. I am going to create sign for those of us disenfranchised with both guys. Signs like:
Seriously, is this the best we could do?
Do over
None of the above.
I don’t like either
I know anybody but Bush, but c’mon here…..

Speaking of ‘none of the above’ I did hear a theory one time. When you go to vote, there should be a ‘none of the above’ switch. You still vote, but you don’t vote for either guy. I think that’s brilliant. Although, this would have to be an option right after the primaries. Could you imagine the chaos if on election night, the winner was ‘none of the above’ by a landslide? It would be anarchy. Dogs and cats living together. True chaos.

With the debates starting tonight, this will only get worse. While I have watched them in the past, it really gets to be 4th grade recess. “Well, my opponent says this, but I…..” “Tommy thinks the sky is green, but I think its fuchsia.” OK, maybe that’s not a great analogy, but I was just looking for a way to squeeze “fuchsia” into a political post. Done and done.

The ironic part is I am pretty much doing the same thing. Instead of my dog poop infested front yard, I am hanging my “sign” up in my cyberyard for all the world to see. The difference is there are no names on my sign. And I am no different than any of my neighbors. And just what the fuck do I know anyway? I’m just some unemployed yahoo in sweatpants and a 15 year old Bon Jovi shirt spouting off.



DVD Bonus Material
Alternate Opening
So they say the 2 things you shouldn’t talk about are sex and politics. Maybe religion is thrown in there, too. I find some inspiration in talking about ‘taboo’ topics. Other bloggers can drone on and on about Lindsay Lohan and whatnot, but occasionally I do like (to try) to write ‘think’ pieces. I do have certain experience about the whole ‘not talking about sex & politics’ thing, though. Many, many years ago, I was on a first date with a girl; some NFL cheerleader or such (hey, it’s my story). Despite my best efforts to the contrary, the conversation went to politics. Now, I know as much as politics as the lamp over there, but I’m half as bright. She says, “I’m a Republican. I mean, I’ve blown a few Democrats and all. But I mostly fuck Republican. I’ve never had an Independent yet, though. I wonder what I would do… Probably something I’ve never done before.” That was the year I voted for Perot and got 5th base.

Deleted Scenes
This is the time of year when I get political emails. I get them from guys who usually send me porn; evil, dirty, nasty porn. I’m inclined to open their stuff first. Instead of seeing some girl getting a Dirty Sanchez, it’s a political clip or link to something on YouTube. What a fricking disappointment. That’s deceptive, and it pisses me off every time when I expect to get something good and get some hype or commercial. So, dudes, my message to you: send me porn, but keep your fucking politics to yourself.