So I Guess I'm Famous

Sometimes inspiration just comes right out. And this is one of those times.

So I’m at a party last night (where a lot of great stories can start. “So I was at a party last night, and you wouldn’t believe happened. There were these 2 chicks…). One of my friends comes up to me and says, “Hey, I saw you in the paper this week.” Now I know there are no new mugshots, so I don’t know what’s he’s talking about. “Huh?” “Yea, for the Jenkintown Brewfest. There was a little section about it in the paper. There’s a picture of the crowd, and you’re there waving. We saw you right away. We could tell it was you by the flip flops.” Ah, yes, to be known by wearing flip flops. “Really, I don’t remember anything like that. "

The picture he was referring to was from last year’s brewfest, and this year’s brewfest is tomorrow, so the local paper had a little pull out (huh, huh, I said “pull out”) section for it. He said it was a crowd shot, and I was waving to the camera. I don’t remember it because I was bat-shit drunk or anything, I just simply don’t remember this moment. “Wow, cool, I will have to check it out.”

Today I run to the corner to buy the paper from the box. I put my 50 cents in-such a small price for infamy if you think about it-and pull the door open. Except it doesn’t open. WTF! I can’t tell you the last time I bought a paper, and now that I have need to, I find the one motherfucking box that doesn’t work. Damn it. I had to return a movie, so I hit the drugstore to get my copy. I open it up, and sure enough, there is the picture. All me in my glory.

And I look like a total boob. I haven’t been in the paper since 1985 when I was paperboy of the week, so I was looking forward to being a bit more….respectable looking. You know ‘respectable looking’ is rarely a term to describe my appearance.

Yes, yes, I can’t imagine many of you are surprised by this. There’s a lot going on here, so let’s break it down. Most importantly, this picture made me really laugh. I mean, if this was some other dude doing this, I would smile, but there I was, sitting in the car, laughing at me. I like it when I make me laugh. I knew right away I would have to make a pre-emptive strike here. I had to get this to my friends before they could bust me on it. It’s always good to get in the first shot, even if it is at yourself.

OK, so at first glance, there is only one person-ahem, me-who is aware there is a picture being taken. So I guess my beer influenced response is to wave like a first class goober. I mean, seriously, look at that. Everyone is standing around drinking, and I am apparently there to be That Guy. Nice.

I showed this picture to a friend, and she immediately made a great observation. There is no one near me. No one is facing me, in fact, everyone has their back to me. Mr. Popularity I am not. So it looks like I am a solo loser, which, some days isn’t too far off the mark. Not even J of A&J fame, who is one of my closest friends in the world is paying attention to me. He is the shaved head and shades in the bottom middle of the picture. Prick.

Now look across to the homer wearing the 54 Beagles jersey. He looks visibly pissed at me. He looks like he wants to kick my goober ass. I don’t know why, I don’t recall I did anything to him. He has that look like “What is that douchebag’s problem?” And there I am, proudly waving to the wall.

Go further back in the picture he’s right above Mr. 54. He has the bright green t shirt and blue cap. He is totally disgusted by me. Look at his scrunched up face. Look at his arms folded in disgrace. Hell, even his girl has a bug up her ass.

Seriously, this photographer had to have dozens of these crowd shots to use. Why, then did he-assuming it’s a he, trying to be PC here-pick this one? Is he laughing with me or at me? Did he purposely pick this one to as if to subconsciously say “Pinheads invited, too’? And who the hell approved this? I mean, c’mon, if you’re trying to hype your brewfest, is this the picture you use? Do you really want this to represent the brewfest? Even if it wasn’t me being That Guy, I would question its use.

I wonder is the town of Jenkintown has any say over its use. This is not a great representation of Jenkintown. But I guess someone must have liked the picture, because there is more to the story. (See, most good writers want to write at least one really good expose.) In the print as, they give out Jenkintown’s website. For shits an giggles, I go to the website. Wanna guess what’s on the front page?

Yup, it’s that very picture above. So apparently I have been the cover boy for the official website of Jtown for sometime now, and never knew about it. Again, I question why the Jtown-that’s what all the cool kids call Jenkintown-officials want that picture on their site. Unless their new motto is going to be “Jenkintown-we tolerate dorks”, I don’t see the point. It’s the night before the brewfest, so I don’t know how much longer the pic will be up, but you can check it out at Jenkintown.net.

Or maybe I am looking into this too much. Maybe the brewfest folks are saying “Hey, we’re laidback and we like to have fun. Just like this guy here.” It’s like they’re saying “Even this knuclehead can have a fun time by himself, so why don’t y’all come down?”

I sent the link out to a few friends, just to get their reaction. I got 2 replies so far; one saying it’s AWESOME (and yes, he put it all in caps, not me) and the other one said it’s hilarious. So I am glad I can make people laugh. There’s just something fittingly ironic about that picture. Maybe it’s because I am the only one to see the picture being taken. Or maybe because I look like a total tool. Go figure, I get my ugly mug in the paper and I look like a redneck. Tomorrow is the brewfest, and I really, really hope no one busts my chops there. “Hey, look, it’s the bunghole in the picture!” Visions of the infamous Nickleback autograph story come to mind.

At least there is one good thing to come out of this whole thing. I was going to wear that shirt again tomorrow. Whew, that would have been embarrassing!