OK, so lately, it seems like most of my writing inspiration comes from 2 things. 1) Being unemployed and 2) Sitting on my fat ass on the couch all afternoon, watching Maury. And I think I am probably boring all of you to a slow painful death with my lack of job situation, so I should let that go (for now). But then I thought why not combine my two favorite topics? Here’s the topic; TV jobs that seem pretty cool, but I wouldn’t do them.
Cash Cab
I cannot in a million year ever see myself doing this job. You’ve seen the show, right? Unsuspecting people get in a cab and are asked questions on the way to their destination. Ben Bailey is the host, and I know he was a comedian, I’ve heard him on Raw Dog and he does have a Comedy Central special. It’s a shame, because I think he can be funnier on the show. I just don’t think it’s an easy job. I don’t know how I would interview to be the driver. Them: “
Ok, we’re going to throw you in a cab and you will drive people all over NYC. You have driven in NY before, right?” Me: “O dear Lord, no. Driving in NY would scare the hell out of me. There’s enough motards where I live, I can’t imagine the level of motardity in the city.” Them: “Well, it’s not like you would be alone. You would wear an earpiece where we would give you the questions to ask.” Me: “So let me get this straight. Not only will I be driving in NYC, but I will have an earpiece, too? Are you just asking me to crash into something?”
Them: “No, of course, not. Remember, you will have to talk to your fares, too.” Me: “Can I ask them questions like Taxicab Confessions? Find out who’s cheating on who, maybe have some hot, drunk chicks dyke out on each other? Now that I would do.” Them: “Get the hell out of here.” Seriously, I can’t imagine that’s a very easy job.
Mythbuster
Yes, I know that’s a surprise. Any show where they fast forward through hours and hours of tedious work is not for me. Sure, some of the myths are pretty cool, as is any job where you can blow stuff up. But do I really want to fold a massive piece of paper over 8 times in an airplane hanger? Hell, no. But I wou
ld gladly volunteer to personally shower off any silver that would get on K
ari.
Cash Cab
I cannot in a million year ever see myself doing this job. You’ve seen the show, right? Unsuspecting people get in a cab and are asked questions on the way to their destination. Ben Bailey is the host, and I know he was a comedian, I’ve heard him on Raw Dog and he does have a Comedy Central special. It’s a shame, because I think he can be funnier on the show. I just don’t think it’s an easy job. I don’t know how I would interview to be the driver. Them: “
Ok, we’re going to throw you in a cab and you will drive people all over NYC. You have driven in NY before, right?” Me: “O dear Lord, no. Driving in NY would scare the hell out of me. There’s enough motards where I live, I can’t imagine the level of motardity in the city.” Them: “Well, it’s not like you would be alone. You would wear an earpiece where we would give you the questions to ask.” Me: “So let me get this straight. Not only will I be driving in NYC, but I will have an earpiece, too? Are you just asking me to crash into something?”Them: “No, of course, not. Remember, you will have to talk to your fares, too.” Me: “Can I ask them questions like Taxicab Confessions? Find out who’s cheating on who, maybe have some hot, drunk chicks dyke out on each other? Now that I would do.” Them: “Get the hell out of here.” Seriously, I can’t imagine that’s a very easy job.
Mythbuster
Yes, I know that’s a surprise. Any show where they fast forward through hours and hours of tedious work is not for me. Sure, some of the myths are pretty cool, as is any job where you can blow stuff up. But do I really want to fold a massive piece of paper over 8 times in an airplane hanger? Hell, no. But I wou
ld gladly volunteer to personally shower off any silver that would get on K
ari.Dirty Jobs
Duh. Sorry, but not even for TV am I doing any of that shit. The concept is funny, and Rowe can be a pretty funny guy. Search YouTube for Mike Rowe QVC to see some of it (animated love is my favorite clip) But it’s getting kinda repetitive by now. Anymore, it seems they throw Rowe into the same 2 basic things; animals and food. And both seem equally disgusting, which says a lot.
Ghost Hunters
Again, another show where they edit out all of the monotonous work. If you’ve ever watched the live Halloween shows, you know what I mean. I think I would do OK, usually nothi
ng scary happens. Wander around in the dark on TV calling out to voices is called ghost hunting. Do it in my neighborhood on the way back from the pub, and they call it ‘disturbing the peace’. Plus, I would be too busy trying to act all macho for the camera. But I know I would probably do something like this guy instead http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ok1HBWF2ofoChristina Applegate’s Underwear Inspector
OK, that’s a blatant lie. I would do that job. Plus, I think I’ve figured out that when I put pictures of hot chicks on here, the hits seem to go up. It’s an ancient Internet equation; hot chicks = hits. And who am I to disappoint you, loyal readers? E
njoy
Man Against Nature
Because I don’t know when the next time my plane will crash over the Ugandan desert or some such shit. Has TV really gotten to the point we’re just dropping people in hazardous places and watch them make their way out? It should be riveting, I know, but it isn’t. Where do you even go to learn this stuff? At least get the guy who played MacGyver and throw him in Antartica.
I could go on, but I have to go, Maury's coming on. It's another great white trash/who's the daddy episode. Those always make me fell better about myself.
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