Another day, another Loser Fair. For those of you who don’t go back with this bad ass blog (to September of last year), that is the term I use for “job fairs”. I have been to my fair share during this unemployment odyssey. I hardly get that rattled anymore. Before I carry on, I suggest you click on over to the original Loser Fair post to refresh yourself of one of my first experiences at such a “fair”. (Damn it, now I know I have to use all new jokes this time around.) See it here
http://kevolutiontheory.blogspot.com/search?q=loser+fair
I find it tough to still believe I don’t have a real job. An extended layoff plays with one’s head in all kinds of ways. I don’t know that I exactly find ‘comfort’ in being in a roomful of other unfortunate souls like myself. While the notion of attending these lose..uh job fairs bothers me less these days, there are still aspects that bother me. Namely, the whole prep involved. As documented in the above link, I am not a suit and tie, shave every day, sit in traffic, cubicle monkey, corporate type of guy. So the fact that I have to go through all these processes to get to be the above mentioned paradox is quite troubling. To better prepare myself, I actually shaved yesterday. I did so for the fear that my usual scruff has somehow left the never-seeing-the-sun-beneath-it skin maybe a paler shade of white compared to the rest of my mug. So I shaved just to check, and get it used to the sting of fresh air. That actually went OK, and the loss of blood clearly wasn’t in the transfusable level. And, yes, I just made up ‘transfusable’-I must go alert Webster’s that I have another new word.
In doing my due research, I see that most of these jobs are near the civil service level. Some branches of the armed forces will be there, as well as the local police. There are a few companies like Aldi and Mary Kay, along with some tech schools. In fact, this los..uh job fair was specifically advertised as being military friendly. Well, duh. Is there a company that ISN’T military friendly? I mean, who wouldn’t want to hire a former Marine or Iraq vet? “Sorry, Cpl. Johnson, but we have no room in our place of business for a Purple Heart winner.” I don’t know about you, but I sure would feel safe working with someone who has been in the Army.
This morning, I go through all the machinations of someone who actually has a job. Get up, eat a big ol’ bowl of Cookie Crisp, shave again and put my monkey suit on. Why can’t the suit companies make a more breathable suit? Rag on Don Johnson all you want, but he looked damn comfortable in the suits he was wearing in Miami Vice. I hop into the KevAmPire for the 15 minute trek to the place. It’s not more than 5 minutes into my journey that I run into a motard. Fuck, how do people do this shit every day? I am rolling up to a light where the lane divides into two; the left lane goes straight or left, the right lane is for rights only, which is where I need to go. Motard stops a good 2 car lengths before the split. And it’s like “c’mon, give me, like, three more inches.” (Man, if I had a nickel every time I heard that.) I start edging up to the right when suddenly his right signal comes on, and he slides right in front of me. Douchebag.
I’ve been to this restaurant/banquet hall before for lo…er, career fairs before. Even though there is a fairly big parking lot, it never fails to amaze me that lazyasses refuse to drive the extra 150 feet to the parking lot. No, instead, they park right on the fucking grass as soon as you drive up. This isn’t ‘event’ parking here. I hope none of those people got jobs today.
It also never fails to amaze me just what people wear to these things. Even a peckerhead like me knows you really can’t be ‘overdressed’ for these types of things. Not everyone got this memo. For example, I saw an older guy-as in the older enough to know better category-wearing a dingy NASCAR shirt and jean shorts. Huh? Really? You should know to hide your inner redneck at these things if I do. I saw kids wearing some A&F bullshit shirt with baggy pants. The prison ain’t gonna hire you, kid. And just another note in case you find yourself in the same boat as me; bedhead is never a plus at these types of things. Just sayin’ and all.
We are held like bulls in pens until the magic hour of 10 arrives. Then, we are unceremoniously released to assail the poor schleps in the room. Surprisingly, not all the companies are there yet. OK, so that doesn’t say much for the companies if they are late for the job fair. I mix and mingle with a few places; my little speech always ready. A small seminar about posting resumes, etc on the Net is also happening. I join that, and from where I sit there is a big cardboard display to my front right side. On this display is a big, happy blonde. She has a cell phone raised triumphantly in her hand. I guess the message here is supposed to be, “Look at me! I just got a job. Fuck you losers, I’m outta here.” Ok, so maybe that’s not what the message is supposed to be, but that’s what I think it is.
As the presentation goes on, my ADD will occasionally take me over to the blonde. Hey, what can I say, I’ve always had a thing for tall blondes. But this is a bit unnerving, because she doesn’t have legs. The picture is cropped right at her waist. But the image is so big, she still appears to be of regular height. I refocus back on the presentation, but I get the feeling she’s giving me the eye. (As most one-dimensional tall blondes do.) It’s hard to pay attention when a tall, legless blonde is giving you the eye. At least I know she'll never run away... I even thought of trying to snap a quick pic for the sake of this Klog, but that really would have ratcheted up the creepy meter to a place not even I am comfortable with. (Further GIS don’t reveal the girl I am looking for, but it sure is fun Googling pictures of blondes.)
If anything comes of this, we’ll see. I come home to find a reply in my Inbox to a music writing job I was inquiring about, so that’s a nice little kick in the ass. And it’s a sunny Friday. So it might be time to celebrate with a few drinks. I think the booze will go a long way to soothe the pain that is the air interacting with my face.
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