There I am; awake early (!) on a Sunday morning (!!) at the
gym (!!!) doing cardio (!!!!) trying to sweat out all the craft beer I had the
night before. On the TV is a story about something called “How To Combat The
Sunday Scaries.” Really? Really? This is what counts as news, even on a Sunday
morning? I’m guessing by the context, the “Sunday Scaries “ is the newest media
propagated disease/syndrome that never really existed before, but now it does,
so it’s a real thing? Anyone else notice, like over the last 10 years, there’s
been an explosion of previously heretofore undiagnosed diseases? Looking at you
COPD. But-guess what-there just happens to be a big pharma company that just
happens to have the magic pill that can combat said malady! Goodness gracious!
 |
| Anyone else diagram out their Sunday? I do a Venn diagram for Thursday. |
OK, TBH here, I really do think there is some substance to
things like “Sunday scaries” and conditions like road rage. I do “suffer” from
this as much as there are just a bunch of asshole drives constantly around me.
And while I do ascribe to the thought that there is probably a bit of merit to
what the Sunday Scaries are, I am also the fucking smartest writer you read, so
you by golly betcha I also happen to have the cure.
Let’s level the field, here. This is the source video. Watch for yourself, and just imagine my heavy breathing and smelling like craft brews right next to you.
Even though this story is my
first exposure to it, it apparently turns out that it’s been a thing for quite
a while now. The first hit in a Google search takes me to an actual Sunday Scaries
website. The folks over at Urban Dictionary seem to have come up with a definition
that is pretty spot on
The feeling you have after a long week of work followed by a
Saturday full of binge drinking, when Sunday hits you
question your entire existence. Typically characterized by laying in bed all day and both
regretting past decisions and questioning your seemingly non-existent future.
Thoughts like "I"m going to die alone" and "Will I ever get
a job that I actually enjoy?" consume you for the entire day while you're
battling a hangover.
I think we’re all on the same page (or in Chad’s bed) here.
I think we can all agree, this kinda sorta is a thing. While science has better
things to do, this does go along the lines of seasonal affective disorder. In
fact, I would hazard a guess to say if you “suffer” from the Sunday scaries,
you probably also “suffer” from SAD. And you also must not be a party come Sundays
in the fall.
Here’s one of my biggest problems with buying into the scaries;
it freely allows you to become the victim here. And, dear readers, I don’t think
that’s any of you. I don’t want it to be. “Ooh, tomorrow is Monday, so that
gives me permission to be a sullen sadsack and suck all the joy out of these 24
hours and try to drag my friends down with me.” Um, no. Newsflash, dickhead.
Monday always comes. Just the same to you as it does me as it does everyone damn
else. You cannot stop it, just like you can’t stop Tuesday (I’m not gonna
bother to research this, but please don’t tell me there is such a thing as the “Tuesday
Terrors.” This shit may never end.) Monday is going to happen, and if you are
willing to just roll over all Sunday and give up, I have two words for you
No, not those two words, but these 2 words.
Fuck. You.
Now aside from hitting some imaginary quota where I have to
tell any remaining readers to fuck off, then lament why no one reads this
anymore, this is just also, plain and simple, the truth. By the Sunday Scary
logic, you’re just going to give up on an ENTIRE DAY, just to be dreading the
next day? Huh? How does that make sense? Look, I’m not saying there isn’t some
validity to SS, but I believe buying into it makes you waste what could potentially
be a great day. Instead of investing into the “Sunday scaries” how about
putting some oomph into “Sunday Funday?” I’m not great at time management-ask
me to tell you later-but even dipshit me sees the flaw here. I can see the
danger of buying into this “scary” theory, and I have two recent examples to
even illustrate the inherent danger..
A friend posted a question to the effect of “how do I turn off
Memories, because I don’t want to be reminded of last year?” This upset me for
a few reasons. First and foremost, they are immediately playing the victim here,
and I’ll get to that in a second. While I emphasize with whatever the pain or
issue might be, publicly calling it out might not be the best move here, why
call it out at all? Why give it anymore power? This type of “vague booking” just creates more drama, and I
believe this person is better than that. Secondly, this person has the power
and control to just negate this issue all together, instead of giving it weight
on their social media. While turning off Memories is quite possibly an option,
I truly don’t know, but I am sure a quick Google search would yield the answer
without calling attention to whatever the issue might be. I believe my friend to
be stronger than all of this. Now, whatever the issue is, here’s the simple
answer that they have had the entire time:
Stay the fuck off Facebook for 30 days. You’re welcome.
And while that seems to be an impossibility these days, you
can at least go a few days. The #FacebookFree48 ("Geez, Kev, does EVERYTHING
have to back to you?" Yes, shithead, it does, because I have all the answers.) doesn’t
have to take place over just the weekend. You could, say, start it on
Monday-and-boom! Look at you, your Monday just got a little bit better and you
get a whole truckload of time back instead of frittering it away on FB. Point
here being, my friend is not in a hopeless situation. Substitute “Mondays” for “Memories”
and the situations become similar. And while certain events may be out of our
control, we can control how we respond.
In my own life I had the great fortune to recently go on
vacation. While I don’t know that it was quite blogworthy , just go here and it’s
pretty much the same story. (Also be sure to stay tuned all the way to the very
end for the Easter egg you heartless jackals didn’t catch last year.) I had already
been in my destination for just a few hours, having an awesome time. Without
warning, the Thought popped into my head. I did not consciously invite it. Yet,
it was there. I acknowledged it, I knew what it was saying, and I did my best
to shut the Thought down. In all that sunshine, it still persisted, until it
had to be heard. Finally, it broke through. Just a few hours into my happy
place, the Thought said:
“Your vacation is already running out.”
How.
Fucking.
Dark.
The point of the Thought, no matter how dark and premature,
was still valid. A few precious hours had already ticked off what imaginary and
unacknowledged internal clock I had going. I sat there with the Thought, yet I
knew I had power, I had strategies and choices. This may be the first shot, but
I can -no I WILL- shut this nonsense down now. In my happy place, with my
person, with my dog, a few good beers, with families having a great time, with
being so close to the ocean, with already awesome memories, I fired back. I
acknowledged the Thought; it was in fact, true, my vacation was already a few hours
gone. But I took the power to consciously say (in my head, because in resort
town bar, this would be pretty embarrassing, no matter how strong the beer is) “That
doesn’t matter. I am not going to let the passing of 3 hours effect the
remaining 165. This will not deter me. So, thanks for
reminding me, Thought, because I am grateful for this little nudge to make what’s
left count. So, now, off with you, Thought, because I can now assure you I.
Will. Make. This. Count.”
And then I had about another 4 beers to celebrate my
victory. Woot woot!
The point here is that I, just like my friend above, have the
power to take control and not be the victim here. We can both at least
acknowledge the issue, but we don’t have to let it own us.
We don’t have to let one little brief spurt of time ruin
everything else. Dread, fear, worry-all of that is bullshit and a glorious
waste of time. Back to the issue, Monday is always going to come. Because I am
so smart, I will share some possible ideas that might make it more bearable.
Make Sunday count. Instead of cowering over the fact Monday
is bearing down on your, appreciate the time you have. Read, cook a good
meal, lay on the couch in your (preferably yours) underwear, volunteer, draw, eat
cheese, binge a TV show, write a blog no one reads, go somewhere you’ve never
been, hell, even do some work. You have the choice to do whatever it is to
Make.This.Count.
(Speaking of Make.This.Count, I gotta start getting tshirts, hats, mugs and other nonsense with that on it on Etsy. KT merch coming soon!)
Prepare for Monday. As we've previously seen, Monday always wins; it always arrives after Sunday. Maybe be a bit mature here (a stretch for this blog, I know) but plan for it. Using my pathetic shell of an existence as an example, on Sunday night -and pretty much every night before a workday-I prep my breakfast and throw it in the fridge, I freeze some stuff for a NutriBullet, ensure my work clothes are relatively decent, my bottle of vodka is hidden in a thermos in the car, I know what I have to do as an elected official of the US and lastly look in the mirror and tell myself how awesome I am. You can do the same, especially the part where you tell your mirror how awesome Kev is.
Make Monday earn it. Do whatever it is that fills your
Sunday up, so that Monday is like all, “Nah, bro, I see you killed it
yesterday, you can just use me to reset from all your weekend awesomeness.”
Do something outside your box on Monday.
Do a little research to make your Monday better. My real
life example; I have discovered a lot of places have all you can eat crabs on
Monday. No matter how much Monday thinks it can kick my ass, come Monday night,
I’m freaking Neptune devouring the sea.
Look, this could all go on, you get the point.
Please don’t fall victim to the fallacy that is this Sunday Scaries
nonsense. Maybe come up with contrarian bullshit like “Friday Frenzy” or “Adventure
Saturday.” Hell, even plan ahead for “Power Hour President’s Day” or “Awesome
August 24th.” These are the types of ideas we should be dwelling in.
I admit, I am not great with math, but I am pretty sure
Monday is, like, 1/7th of your life. Does it make sense to spend
most of Sunday -also, I think about 1/7th of your life-in fear and
dread? Narrator voice: “No, it does not.”
You’re free to now go and do whatever it is to. Make. This.
Count.
Extras
Director's Commentary
I've spent roughly 4 hours of my Sunday writing, researching, linking, getting pics and videos and editing this post together. 4 hours of a #FacebookFree48 Summer Sunday gone. But what I got back is this post. In my own bizarre way, I have a tangible piece of my "art" out of today. Anything else past that is just a bonus. I am satisfied that I made this count.
