Thursday, January 8, 2009

Marley & Me (Complainary re-edit)

The gist was I thought it was a great book. It took me only a weekend to plow through, which says a lot. You can tell I write at about a fourth grade level-doody-so reading any book written higher can be somewhat a challenge. Plus, there were only a few pictures, and just a few words containing 7 or more letters.
I should warn you now, that this post does contain spoilers. So if you haven’t read the book or still want to see the movie, please stop reading now. I will go off topic for another paragraph or so, but then the cat will be out of the bag. You’ve been warned.
I need to state up top that I might not be the most objective reviewer on this one. Well, geez, that’s really no way to entice you to read on any further, now is it? First, I am in the odd position of seeing a movie of a book that I already read. The few books I do seem to manage to read never get made into movies. I feel that puts me into the snobby class of having read the book, and now will compare it to the movie. Like everyone else in the theater is a dullard who can’t read and decided to just drag their lazy, illiterate ass to the theater. I will also be undoubtedly biased as well. You see, my precious Bauer is a yellow Lab that looks a lot like Marley. So it’s damn near impossible to not see a lot of Bau in Marley’s actions.
OK, seriously, you’ve been warned. If you don’t want to know about the book and movie, stop reading now. Sure, you can make the argument why I have to give away key plot points. But I think it’s vital to my story. Plus, I am sacrificing Bauer time to write this, and I am sure he would be pretty pissed if he knew I was writing about seeing a dog movie, and not playing with him.
The book chronicles a couple from marriage to having kids, jobs, moving, dreams, heartbreak, etc. The lifecycle of the dog allows this to happen. And by lifecycle I mean from adoption to, well, yea, that…. I remember reading the book. I had gotten further ahead than my wife. As the pages wound down, it was clear what was going to happen. I was reading it in the living room. I knew I wasn’t going to make it, so I discreetly excused myself to our bedroom, where I could finish the book in peace. And also because my wife wouldn’t see me cry. Yes, I admit it, I cried (and snotted) at the end. Because it hit me as a dog owner, a Yellow Lab owner, that, God one day I will be in this situation. I just cannot imagine it (there’s a lump in my throat as I write this now). And to read this guy so eloquently describing it was devastating. Here was a book that not only made me laugh out loud, but now made me cry. It’s pretty fricking powerful for the written word to do that. Yea, OK, so I give away Marley buys it. But it factors in later on for me.
It was mixed emotions that I had when I found out it was going to be a movie. Now I can live with Jennifer Anniston. I don’t think she’s horrible. I did see one movie she did where she worked at a cosmetic counter in a small, dumpy department store. It was one of those real quiet, could be happening anywhere/to anyone kind of deals. Well, the first half was, but then she ends up sleeping with like 3 different guys or something. But she was very watchable in it. But when I found out Owen Wilson was going to the main character, o man.
I don’t like Owen Wilson. Maybe it’s because I think he is a bad actor. Maybe because in the thankfully few movies I’ve seen him in, he plays the exact same character. Maybee it’ss the wayyy he seemms to slowllly roll outtt hiss speechhh that annoys the crap out me of. Maybe it’s his nasty gnarled up nose. Maybe it’s because I’ve never seen him and Ellen Degeneres in the same room at the same time. Maybe it’s because he tried to kill himself after dating Kate Hudson. Kate Hudson! I was not enthused to hear him screwing up the movie.
The previews start to come out, and lo and behold it looks watchable. The clips look funny. Again, maybe it’s because my dog looks and acts like Marley. (And yes, I know every dog owner will say that now.) I decide to stay away from it. I want to go see it and decide it’s worthiness for myself. I tried to stay away. But I would read something online (stuff like if they are running this many commercials for it, it must suck), or Howard would talk about it (Beth seeing it and saying it was just OK.) Who knew ignorance would be so damn hard? But like I said, I liked what I saw in the clips I saw. And when it makes $51 mill in its first week, there must be something to it. So on a Tuesday afternoon, we went to see the flick.
I only have one goal for the entire duration of the movie. Two, actually. 1) Don’t drink so much of the bucket of Diet Coke that I will have to pee in the middle of the movie. And 2) and MOST IMPORTANT do NOT freaking cry in a movie theater.
It opens up with Wilson drawling his monologue over the scene. Yea, I’d be Marley running away, too, if I had to listen to this dolt all day. Already, I find myself comparing the movie to the book. Which is funny, because I have very little memory of much of the book. I mean, I can identify the parts that are clearly movie, and the parts from the book.
Halfway through the movie, I fail in one of my 2 missions. I have to pee. At least I could have drank all my Diet Coke and whizzed in the cup, but I couldn’t even do that. At least I pick a scene with no Marley.
It becomes clear that we hit a point that the end will start creeping in. GODDAMN IT! I am sniffling! But this is the fake-out, there is still life left! What a wuss I am. I start snotting too. I disgust myself.
OK, we’re really hitting the beginning of the end now. And why o why, does the movie theater pick this time to send someone through the theater? There is the guy, walking around with one of those glowing orange cones like he’s trying to land a plane. I fully expect him to come right up to me and yell, “Are you crying? There’s no crying in my movie theater. Get yer pansy ass out of here, you disgust me.” I think it’s dawning on people now that Marley will not make it out of the movie alive. We’re getting to a key scene where it is spelled out for the Neanderthals.
It is about here I fail at my second mission. Damn, I can feel that tear slowly leak from my left eye. I am sniffling. I know this is coming. I try to choke down more soda so I won’t be sniffling and tearing as much. It’s a pretty dramatic scene, between John taking him to the vet, making the decision and being there for the result. Goddamn, did something get into my eye here? I will give the movie credit, as they made up some stuff to make the scene more dramatic and heartfelt.
John tells Marley that he was never the world’s worst dog. “No Marley,” he tells his fading buddy,” you’re a great dog.” I often tell Bauer that, too. I just don’t call him Marley, because that would confuse the guy.
My sleeves are now covered up in the various goo leaking from my facial area. I really feel for the John character, not because Owen is slightly less cardboard here. I really identify with the guy as dog owner. They use music here excellently, a bunch of strings that slowly arch higher and higher until Marley shuts his eyes for the last time.
Sniff, and the sound of a few tears falling. Wow, pretty powerful. There’s a few more scenes, but this was the first movie I can remember in a long time that when the movie was over, actually got applause from the crowd. Of course, while they were clapping, I was making sure it didn’t look like I was affected at all. Black heart, man, black heart. Man, all the death I’ve seen in movies, all the notable, historical, iconic deaths didn’t touch me, but this Marley one makes me sniff and stuff.
So I would give this movie a solid thumbs up. It’s a fair representation of the book. I think it works, even if you haven’t read the book. It’s one of those rare movies where I don’t feel like I got ripped off for seeing it in the movie theaters. Even if you don’t like dogs, I’d imagine you would like this movie.

DVD Bonus Material
Commentary
OK, so again to follow up to the Leap post, I joined a new site, Complainary.com. I know, sounds right up my alley, right? For my first post, I re-edited an older entry Bus Stop. Within a few days, I already got a positive comment, which is pretty flattering. They were looking for a review of Marley, so I re-edited my previous Klog. I am still feeling my way around Complainary, so I took out a bunch of personal stuff, and cleaned it up a bit. So don't feel as you have to read these re-edits all over again, but I will try to comment on what I did, and why. Also, KevTheory serves as my archive, so this is another way to show how I can tighten up and 'mainstream' my stuff.
Thanks for reading. Again.

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