(Originally written 7/7/8)
This is about 2 old friends of mine that I haven’t seen in many, many years, I saw them recently, in of all places, a movie theater. (Iron Man does rock by the way.) It was there that we renewed acquaintances. I hadn’t seen these 2, brothers, in a good many years. Their names are Mario and Luigi, perhaps you heard of them? They’re called the Mario Brothers. Why they’re called that when Mario is a brother’s first name is unknown me.
Now I’m talking the original arcade game Mario Brothers, not all the games that came afterwards. This didn’t have trippy shit like mushrooms and underground lairs and stuff. No need for Kart or golf or taxidermy. It was just these 2. A description of the game follows:
Mario (or Luigi) must defeat all the enemies coming out of pipes in the corners of the screen. Enemies must first be hit from below to flip them over, then touched to kick them off the screen. However, if an enemy is left upside down for too long, it will flip back over becoming faster than before. Coins also come out of the pipes, and they give the player points.
Enemies in the game include:
Shellcreeper: A turtle-like enemy that simply walks around. They take one hit to flip. In Japan they are simply called turtles.
Sidestepper: Crab-like enemies that are slightly faster than Shellcreepers. They take two hits to flip. In Japan they are simply called crabs.
Fighter Fly: Fly-like enemies that hop around on platforms. They can only be hit from below when they're touching the floor.
Slipice: A block of ice that slides around, until it stops on a random platform and freezes it. Most people today know it as a Freezie.
Additionally there is a small, square block labeled "POW" in each level. If a player hits this block from below, the screen shakes and all the enemies currently on the screen are flipped over.
It was a 2 player game, but without sounding too full of myself, I didn’t need nobody to play with. Unlike when the game originally came out, it’s now 50 cents to play. That kinda pisses me off that here’s a 15 year old game that was a quarter back then, now it’s fucking 50 cents. O well, small price to pay I guess to be playing it these days. When I first saw it at the theater, I gladly plopped down the dollar so me and the wife could play. She was clearly not enthralled with the Mario Brothers. On the other hand I was beside myself in nostalgia. Turns out I never lost my touch, I can still kick ass at this game. I played only a few more times, enough for T to start getting all pissy. God forbid I ever get to have any fun. So I sadly bid adieu –that is have you say good bye in Italian, right?-and hoped to somehow see them again soon. I was like a shark, for a few brief minutes, I smelled blood in the water; then it was gone.
There I am last week, walking by myself on the boards. On my way back, for some reason, I decide to just go through some of the arcades. By our place, there actually was an arcade. It was your typical mix of driving and shooting games. By waaaayy back, in a darkened corner, I discovered old gems like Pac Man and Centipede (yes, I know I am dating myself here). We only managed to stop there once. We played one game, then had to leave because someone had to pee. And that same someone also only brought her prescription sunglasses so she “couldn’t see”. I was promised we would return, but never did. It’s a shame, because I would have grabbed a picture of all the old videogames in the corner. You would have enjoyed it.
I stroll through one arcade, and it’s typical. All the driving games are up front, I guess it’s a way to lure people in. I go further back, and sure enough, there’s like a whole row of old school video games! And these all look original, too. There are some cabinets that actually have like 5-6 different games in them; great names like Galaga, Paperboy and Zaxxon. Hmm, I wonder if I can possibly find a Mario Brothers here? I doubt it, but I still have a few more arcades to check on the way back.
The second arcade I go into, I feel strangely drawn. I go to the very back, when, what do I see? Mario Brothers. Heavenly voices, angelic singing, all that stuff is going on, which really drowns out my iPod. Yes! I have found Mario Brothers. Good times are just ahead. I am just thrilled. Sadly, I have no money, so it is a tease, but now I know there is at least one. Not only will it be a blast to get some serious time on it, this will also be my Ocean City legacy. It all makes sense to me now.
I rush home like a little boy. I find T and start to blabber. “I have great news, awesome news! Go ahead, I will give you one guess what it is. But only one guess, because it’s so awesome, I can’t keep it from you much longer.” I even forget what she guessed. It didn’t matter, she wasn’t going to get it. “No. I found Mario Brothers! And the high score is only 12,000. I can beat that without you! So we are going to go to that arcade, and I am going to get ALL the high scores on the machine. And that will be my OC Legacy. When people go to play that game, they will see al my high scores and say, ‘Wow, that KEV sure is one bad cat! I wouldn’t want to mess around with him!’”
It’s hard to describe the look on my wife’s face. It’s not the obvious pleasure it should have been. The only word I can find that fits is ‘shame’. But maybe her shame look is the same as her thrilled look.
So we grab our boardwalk time. It starts out with her whomping my ass in mini golf. We slowly crawl down to the arcade. I hop right on the machine. I am in Mario heaven. I easily dust the high score in my first game. I am truly in my happy place now. The sun may have been bright that day, but it paled in comparison to my smile (Eew, did I really just write a line like that?) Sure, I was again paying 50 cents for a quarter game, but it didn’t matter. With the second game, I got pretty damn far. Like level 6 with glaciers far. Hey, why does it feel like there a big, glowing “L” on my forehead right now? Maybe because I am thinking of Luigi, yea, that must be it. I fall just short of breaking 100,000. It’s all the small victories in life, kids.
T will come up from time to time to check on me. It’s not like I’m gonna be anywhere else. But I sense frustration coming from her. How can she be upset? I’m having the time of my life here! She goes away, and I return to dutifully constructing my legacy. I get about 2 more games in, and T reappears. She is clearly running out of patience now. I don’t get it, she can play all day with 4 nieces. But when it comes to me and my fun, I’m good for about 20 minutes. Another dichotic moment. I am having a blast, yet she clearly isn’t. Damned if I don’t, damned if I do. I get all 5 high scores in my first-and as it turns out, only-games. Technically, my legacy is now set. But my lowest score is dangerously low, plus who only wants to play 5 games of their favorite game? I guess this is one of my few mature moments of the week. Well, ‘mature’ may be stretching it a bit.
Because what good is a legacy without proof? I have the camera with me, and take 2 shitty pictures of the high score board, all with KEV on it. DIdn’t really turn out that great. I wanted T to get a pic of me playing the game, but I knew that would be pushing it at this point. It’s a shame, because it would have been a hella funny picture. I am sure I would be crouched in an athletic stance, tongue sticking out. Woulda been great stuff. But I did make (and that is the right word ‘make’) her take a picture of me with the game. Yea, this is coming from the same guy who bitched about the papa-razzi.
I left OC, but I did it with a lasting legacy. I feel secure that my scores will stand for a long time, or at least till the power goes off. I mean, really, who else plays Mario Bros? And if they do, they sure ain’t as good as me. Undisputed Mario Bros. King of OC. So if you ever wander down to OC, be sure to go to the Kidz N Action (I believe it was called something like that, though I can’t find anything to match on Yahoo) arcade, and check out the Mario Bros game. In fact, I will pay 20 bucks to the first person who can send me a clear photograph of all my high scores. And by clear photo, I mean one suitable for framing, ‘cause that’s what I’ll do to the SOB.
DVD Bonus Material
Unseen ending
We go to the movies yesterday, so I can be massively disappointed by Indiana Jones. We go to the same theater that I originally saw Mario Bros had. We quickly flew right past it. Not even a casual mention of “Hey, Kev, would you like to play a quick game?” At least I saw what appeared to be a dad and his kids playing, so maybe someone is passing it down to their kids. And if anyone know how I can fucking download a Mario Bros simulator, please let me know. I’ve stumbled across 2, but I will be damned if I can figure out how top open that shit. I would greatly appreciate it.
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