The Intermittent Fasting Challenge

When last I left you, it was with a list of my New Year’s resolutions. One of them was to commit to something I call “Adventure Saturday.” For those of you shitheads –which is most of you-who didn’t read my resolutions, you can make yourself cool to the world by clicking here. The concept of Adventure Saturday is to simply do something I’ve never done before. It might be a trip to a museum, an experience of some sort, dinner and drinks at a place I’ve never been, etc.

So I came up with something I’ve never done and actually counts as Adventure Friday into Adventure Saturday. Whilst reading that stack of magazines from 2015 (another resolution I am keeping up with, slackers) I came across a concept that interested me, plus I could get 2 posts out of it (thereby satisfying yet another resolution to write more. You guys should be ashamed with all your slacking already.)

So here is the idea; intermittent fasting.

Like who isn't sold?

“Whoa, Kev, just what is that all about?”  I already imagine you asking. (I also imagine some of you are naked while reading this, but that stays with me.)

Intermittent fasting (IF) is when one goes up to 16 hours without eating. Sounds like a party, right? Now, right away, I again imagine you asking, “But WHY would you do that?”  Well, it’s simple, really. One, just for the experience and to have something to write about. Two, just to see if I can do it. And most importantly, people love reading about other people in pain. Especially you sick freaks. More especially, when it’s my pain.

So in my very brief research on the topic, the end result is supposed to boost growth hormone and actually promote fat loss. Not so stupid now, eh, fatty?

Of course, an undertaking of this nature does not come without it’s peril, much like Evel Knievel jumping the fountain in Vegas. I have briefly thought this out, so I feel pretty on point to do this.

Here is my plan. Early Friday evening, go to the gym for a typical workout, just no cardio. Come home, do a NutriBullet with protein, a little while later one last big meal, then hunker in for the night. In a perfect world, I envision my fast starting around 7PM. I’ll clear out my Netflix cue, because I know if I watch regular TV, it will just be wall to wall commercials like these:

 Go to bed the same time old people do on a Friday night, 10PM. Sleep. Wake up. (Hopefully.) Go to the gym again…

“Whoa, slow down here, Schwarzenegger! What’s up with that?”

There’s a few reasons for this. I don’t have a scale here. Just a mirror that tells me I’m awesome daily, and occasionally tells me I am “not mildly unattractive today.” The gym does, so I am anxious to see if there is any drastic weight fluctuation. Also, I have discovered working out on an empty stomach actually blunts my hunger for a period of time. My initial research says working out in the fasted state is actually beneficial as far as gaining muscle and burning fat. By the time I come home, shower and put on my fat jeans in preparation for the all you can eat buffet, I should be past the magical 16 hour mark. Gorge, then to continue to eat what I would typically eat. Weigh myself again Sunday morning.

Sounds easy, right? No, shithead, of course it doesn’t sound easy. I have grown hungry in merely the time it’s taken me to start writing this. There are a lot of challenges for sure.

I am a believer in eating small meals throughout the day. Every 3-4 hours I am eating. I am generally a pretty clean eater. Protein powder and bars, fruit, NutriBullets, chicken, healthy granola. I am pretty sure there are squirrels eating a similar diet.. I have found that if I don’t eat every few hours, I get very “hangry.” (Hungry + angry.) Like Incredible Hulk level hangry. So the mere thought of not eating for
 sixteen whole hours is quite daunting for me and those near to me. Hopefully, by sleeping for a lot of that time will negate me hulking out and downing an entire box of Lucky Charms.

"Where am my protien bars?"

Some provisos. My brief research tells me drinking liquid –the rule of thumb here appears to be anything under 50 calories- is fine, so I will have a handle of Jack handy. Just kidding, a shot of Jack is 65 calories, and yes, I did look that up. But I will be doing a lot of water, possibly green tea. For Saturday AMs workout, I reserve the right to an Advocare Fruit Punch Spark (15 calories) while I am working out. Also, since I have trouble sleeping anyway, I won’t turn down the offer of an Ambien (why do you think I'm putting this post up early?), should one come my way. I am pretty sure there are no calories in the pill, just blissful, restful sleep.

Doing a bit more research, I now find out to do this properly, before I start the fast, apparently I have to observe a romantically named ‘feeding period’ of only 8 hours before I start the fast. OK, so that’s basically skipping breakfast (which is pretty much my only time with Count Chocula.) So I can eat regularly during 8 hours on Friday afternoon. Not a fan of skipping breakfast on a work morning, and I pity the people that have to deal with me before my 'feeding period.'

In doing more research, I can’t seem to actually find the proper meal to end the IF with. The original one sentence blurb in Muscle & Fitness said to gorge, so I’m just gonna go ahead with that concept. I assume in the spirit of the thing, it should be a sensible meal. But fuck that, I’m the one putting my health and sanity on the line for your entertainment, so I call the shots here. I suppose my trip to the all you can eat buffet will also possibly skew my weight on Sunday AM, but again this is my first attempt and I am not a freaking scientist.

Also not a scientist, but blinded by science nonetheless.

I should also note I am currently eating as I write this. This is not gonna be easy. So wish me luck and health. Mostly health. Yea, mostly health.