Patriots Win; The Best AFC Game Jokes and Memes

I don’t have a dog in this race, but the best part of being a fan of either team is you have an excuse to get hammered. “My team’s in the conference final. Let’s party.” “My team won, let’s party!” “My team lost, let’s drown our sorrows.” Everybody wins.

I don’t care who wins this game, this is just training for eating like a hog in two weeks.

In an unrelated note, my use of napkins decreases proportionally when I wear hoodies. You’re welcome, Mother Earth.

Let's play a game; who's hotter? First image that appears for "hot Patriots girl"

Repping the Patriots

And GIS for "hot Jaguars girl"

Well played, Jags, 3 for the price of 1. Even though that is probably the same girl, still yes, yes and yes to be safe.

I could literally play this game all day long.

This is the closest Tony Romo has ever been to the Super Bowl. Suck on that, haters.

There is no actual word "bortle", let alone "Bortles." But it's still dang fun to say.

One day, I hope to have a beard as glorious as Matt Patricia.

New England only up by 3 at the end of one. Lost that bet.

Tom Brady telling cameramen to "get the fuck off the field." Guess they must be getting in the way of the Patriots cameramen.

If chicken wings were points, I'd be dominating this game.

How many bloody NCIS's are there?

If I ever owned a Mercedes, I'd have to name it Lewis.

In case you're not paying attention or those Boston Lagers are kicking in.

Jags winning 7-3.

Jags winning 14-3. This is all going to plan. I guess.

Gronk has his own Monster Energy drink. It has 52 freaking grams of sugar in it.

With 52 grams of sugar, how is there space for anything else?

I feel like I'm playing Madden against my nephew. And I'm the Patriots. Also, he is 4.

From what I can tell, Bortles isn't dating anyone right now, but was tapping this in college. Doesn't matter, if he wins this game, he's dating up anyway.

Guys, this is Lindsay Duke. I'll give you a minute to get to your bunk.

Gronk just got cracked in the head, and the commentators think he's "woozy." If you wanna see "woozy" watch me stumble to the pisser at halftime.

I like how these Diet Dr Pepper commercials have to let you know Justin Guarini is "Lil Sweet." Most people are like, "Screw Lil Sweet, who dafuq is Justin Guarini?"

At the half, Jags up by 4. Yup, all according to plan.

The following commercial spokespeople can please go DIAF; Verizon guy, Flo from Progressive, Paul from Sprint, Chevy guy.

But can we get back Erin Insurance. I don't have a manga thing, but I think I would have to give this a shot.

Admit it, you would.

Did you REALLY have to click that to see what DIAF meant?

Now that Aaron Rodgers is banging Danica Patrick, I doubt Clay Matthews is in an adjoining room.

Jags nail kick, up 7.

Jags nail another kick, up 10.

Gronk says, 'Screw it, I'm going to the bar."

I've really been enjoying Tony Romo's work as a broadcaster, but you know even he's thinking, "Blake Bortles??"

Jags take possession on a tight turnover call. Patriots fans thought the refs were supposed to be on their side.

For the life of me, I can't find anything about Pats fans being assholes. Meanwhile, in Philly they're already fighting each other and throwing beers at Vikes fans. (Yes, there will be links and vid in the NFC blog.) 

You know whoever loses this game will get the "At least you saved on your taxes" meme.

Pats get TD, down by 3, 8:44 to go. Yup, all according to plan.

ENOUGH WITH THE GODDAMNED HORN!

Miles Jack would be my ring name in the WWE.

And as soon as I wrote that, he got hurt.

After trailing for 56 minutes, the Patriots take the lead and the game.

The seal has been opened. The Illuminati have spoken.