You know, I've really had it with these new made up holidays. You know what I'm talking about; National Siblings Day. National (insert trendy new malady here) Day, Mother's Day.
For the first time in a few days, I open up my Facebook and discover today in National Beer Day. Hmm....sounds like we finally got a winner here, folks.
Since this is pretty much a blog about the poor decisions I make while drinking -like last weeks drunken dare acceptance of getting a Prince Albert- I thank the writing gods for yet another blog about drinking. And look, I'm kind of a busy guy these days. I know a lot of you don't believe that, but it's true. Do you think Fire Sticks watch themselves? No, they do not, and I'm trying to catch up with Eastbound and Down. So, instead of taking time out of my busy Saturday lounging on the couch and debating the chances of me actually putting on pants (Spoiler alert! Low.) I put all my best Tweets that I haven't Tweeted -in other words, what the old folks call "jokes"- in one easy-peasy post. If you spit your beer out in uproarious laughter, I am not responsible for damages. Onward.
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| Preach on, Brother Homer. |
Today is National Beer Day. Or as we call it around the KT offices, "Every single minute of every single day, brah!"
Michelob and Coors seen wondering how to celebrate the day.
I am sure it's unrelated, but my rating on the Hot or Not app just shot up from a soft 4.5 to a solid 5.
Tomorrow is National Gatorade and Shitty Pizza Day.
I was wondering why I woke up feeling more charming this morning.
This is genius logic. Someone one, who should win a Pulitzer or Nobel Prize, looked at the calendar for drinking days and saw this
January-New Years Day
February-Super Bowl, Valentine's Day
March-St Patrick's Day
May-Memorial Day
June-July-August-Fuckin' summer, man! Oh, and 4th of July
September-Labor Day, NFL
October-NHL, Halloween
November-Thanksgiving
December-Christmas
Wait a minute! April's slacking off! How can I fix this?
Ireland and Canada remain unfazed.
Conor McGregor heard to say, "Fook man, I thought that was Thursday."
This holiday was previously known as "Vomit in the Lyft Car Night."
Social media generated holidays I think we actually need:
National "I Am Only Going To Post One Suspect Link That Aligns With My Current Political Beliefs Instead of My Usual 14" Day
Only Post One Picture of My Kids, Not 37 Day
Please Post Your Most Personal Medical Information Online Day
Flash Yer Boobs Day
Blackout Saturday.
Jesus! I just got over Stone Cold Steve Austin Day.
Statistically, one of you is probably gonna score a level up tonight. Good for you.
I started my day with a shower beer. This was before I knew there was such a thing as National Beer Day.
Because I don't need the man to tell me when to start my dayload!
How many walks of shame will there be on campus tomorrow?
National Beer Day today; pretty bad craft beer farts tomorrow.
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