I Answer My Rejection Emails Vol 4

 

Here we go; week 4 of the world shitting on me but hoping it makes you feel better. I liken this to your favorite artists’ divorce/breakup album. It’s brilliant stuff, it connects, you feel sorry for said artist, but glad they vocalize difficult feeling we all have. Yup, me, Phil Collins, Kasey Musgraves and Sarah McLachlan. What a super group. Also any excuse to put me in that company I will take. (FWIW, Kasey’s “Middle of Nowhere” might be my album of the summer.) Speaking of summer, let’s all have a laugh at my continuing summer of discontent.

 

Maybe the issue is I'm sending in paper resumes?

 

From 2/4

Dear Kevin,

We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your interest in our X position in X at X.

We have filled the available position. We encourage you to visit our website for opportunities that match your interest and qualifications.

We wish you luck in your career search.

Sincerely,

Recruiting
X

This is an automated email response. Please do not reply.

Dear X,

You don’t tell me what to do. Good luck with your brainless automaton.

Kev

Please do not reply.

 

From 2/17

Hi Kevin,

Thank you so much for your application and interest in X. 

We received applications from many qualified candidates and unfortunately are going in a direction that better fits our needs at this time. That said, things are constantly evolving at X, and there could be a fit for you down the road. We encourage you to keep an eye on our jobs page for future opportunities.

Thanks again and we wish you the best in your search!

Kindly, 

X Recruiting

 

Hey X Recruiting,

Thanks for letting me know. I will now be evolving away from you into a different direction down the road as well.

Pound sand,

Kev

 

 

From 2/26

Hi Kevin,

Thank you for your interest in X!

We have reviewed your resume and experience for the X role. At this time the role is not going to be an ideal match for your experience. We're growing at flash speed, so please keep an eye on our career page for future opportunities. We wish you all the best!

X Recruiting

 

Hi X,

Kev

 

From 3/13
Hi Kevin,

Thank you for your interest in the X opportunity! We appreciate the time and energy spent on your application.

We have reviewed your application and regret to inform you that after careful consideration, we will not be moving forward with the interview process. Thank you again for your interest, and we wish you the best with all that follows!

Best Regards,

The X Team

 

Hi X Team,

I appreciate your lack of time and energy spent in this cookie cutter kiss off.

I have reviewed this brainless reply and after not much careful consideration, I have decided this is a mutually beneficial decision. I hope your successful candidate lasts longer than Connor McGregor in his last fight.

Lest regards,

Kev