Lies I Told at Thanksgiving 2018

I don't like people. Doesn't matter if they are related to me or not. So, sometimes, being forced into actual conversation, I have to say some outlandish things just to survive. Things like:

We should all get together more often.

Good to know.

Oh, her? Yea, I dumped her ass. Last I heard, she got married to some guy with an accent named Harry and he knocked her up.

I don’t know what time all the football games start today.

I watched that Monday night game. Every second of it.

Regardless, I think we can all be glad the Eagles finally won a Super Bowl. Philly is a great sports town and deserved it.

This was actually from their last Thanksgiving game.

I got that promotion at work, I got several, actually.

My blog is wildly successful.

Is....is...that what I think it is on their heads? 

I don’t know who clogged your toilet.

Ha! I already started my Xmas shopping

.

You losing weight?

Google "sexy pilgrim" and this is what you get.

Your thoughts on politics are fascinating. You need to put more of them on Facebook.

Benching 350 these days.

I ran a 5K this morning.

Please consider this an homage, Dave.

These yams are delish.

That wasn’t me; pretty sure it was the dog. She musta got into some bad scraps or something.

You mean you haven’t seen Hamilton? I’ve seen it. Twice. Got a Groupon.

No, I’m pretty sure I wore something different last year. I own more than one good shirt and one casual pair of pants, I’ll have you know.

Wait, you said you don’t have rum?! And there are screaming kids here? I mean, don’t worry about it, it’s all good. I’ll be fine.

I won’t be the drunk uncle this year.

I’m probably just gonna hole up and watch Hallmark Xmas movies all weekend. They are all just so unique and different and creative. I can’t get enough!

No, that's not a naked girl on my phone. This isn't even my phone. I think it's Dad's. Yo Dad, what up with this, dog?