Bus Stop

Originally written 11/19/7

Sometimes I fear for the youth of this nation. Not just because I got booted outta the music biz. Not just because the President sucks and the government is crooked. Not just because hockey isn’t as revered as football in this country. Not just because they won’t know who Dale Earnhardt was. Not just because we are consuming all the natural resources and they will live in a barren wasteland. Not just because airhead actors carry more weight than doctors and scientists. Kids today aren’t even making it out of the gate. I fear for the kids of today for just one reason.

Their parents.

Yea, I know tough talk coming from someone who doesn’t have kids. But that’s a very conscious choice on our parts. Really, do you want my retarded genes being passed down? Where the hell would a kid who dyes their hair funny colors, wears shorts and flip flops and creates their own holidays (psst, Hallowmas is coming) work in the next 30 years? And I’m doing my part to save the planet. Think about it. What’s the number one most wasteful thing in this world? It’s us. People. And by not having kids, think of the generations of trash, waste and pollution I am saving this planet. Plus, we recycle. Not like all you eco-terrorists I call parents.

Most weekday mornings, I head to the gym about 8:30 or so. It’s not like I have a schedule or anything, it just kinda happens that way. And it’s when I get to the intersection at the top of my street, my blood starts to boil. That’s where the bus stop is.

Every morning, there’s about, I dunno, 20-30 demonspawn running in the intersection. That’s not what pisses me off. What pisses me off is the parents that wait with them, and do nothing to corral precious little Connor or Taylor to get the hell outta the street when there’s a car coming. I will take my time as I roll up to the intersection. There’s no obstructed view, you can see the cross streets from any of the 4 corners. And just about every morning, there’s a group of kids right in the middle of the intersection. Running around, chasing a ball and whatnot, just being kids. Now you would think that the parents would be keeping an eye out, and when a car was approaching, get them to the curb. You would think that….

I’ve literally had kids almost back into my car. I’ve had kids jet across the intersection. I’ve had kids blindly chasing balls like they were in a tire commercial. And I’ve seen the parents, standing there, dumb as fuck, doing nothing. I even had one douchebag shoot me a glare after I stopped to make sure all the lil bastards are clear. If my wife wasn’t a teacher, I’d have half a mind to….

This is not the way to start one’s morning. It’s not my responsibility to make sure the road is free of kids, when their very own fucking parents refuse to lift a muscle to ensure the safety of their children. At least it fires me up to go throw some weight around.

It reminds me of when I used to work in a Sam Goody in a strip center. Right next to us was a Hair Cuttery, and it wouldn’t be uncommon to see parents come in the store, tell their kids to stay there, and go try to look like Jennifer Aniston. Which, by the way, doesn’t work if you are a guy, just sayin’ and all. When I was at Borders, we had an incident where a mother dropped off her precious pumpkin, and when she came back the daughter wasn’t there. Well, it got to be a big scene. I was one of the managers on duty that day, and was of the opinion “we’ll make her comfortable, but this ain’t our problem.” We decided to check the security tapes, and sure enough, there was pumpkin, walking out the store a few minutes after getting dropped off; hand in hand with her boy. Unreal.

And I suppose I should throw in some obligatory Britney Spears jokes, but that would just be too easy.

Now, I know many of you have kids. I am sure they are intelligent, well behaved and future leaders of our country. I’m not talking about your cherubs. It’s everyone else’s. So in conclusion, keep your kids off of my street, off of my damn lawn, and the hell out of the way.