Industry Rant: Hours

Originally written 11/23/7

OK, I know what you’re thinking. “Geez, it’s been a while since he’s done one of these. And it’s Thanksgiving no less, so I am sure it’s full of holiday venom. Or at least rum” But it’s not music specific, as much as it is retail specific. I know a lot of my readers are retail warriors. And as such, I am sure they are nestled in their beds, thoughts of dread running through their heads. Tomorrow marks the beginning of the holiday shopping season. Tomorrow is Black Friday. And it’s getting out of hand.

On the news tonight, there was a story about a Comp USA that was opening up at 9 tonight. You wouldn’t believe how many people were in line all day. One of their big draws was a laptop for $500. The first guy in line got there at 1 today. Either he is the biggest motard going, or really needs another PC to hold all his porn. His wife came by to drop off his Tgiving dinner. Which he ate on the sidewalk. Really, is a fucking PC that important that you have to miss Tgiving with your family? If your family is annoying, then I guess it is. Turns out that even though Comp USA heavily advertised this 500 PC, the store only had 7. Fucking seven. Really, is that fair? Talk about your bait and switch. I am sure that whatever model the PC is, each store usually carries a lot more than fucking 7 of them. Shit like that really fires me up. What fires me up even more is that there are employees who have to sacrifice their holiday to work.

There’s not a lot of places that need to be open on Tgiving. I can only think of a few. Maybe a supermarket, but just for a few hours in the morning. Gas stations. Wawas (Philly area kickass convenience store). 7-11s are rightfully open, since most of their employees don’t celebrate Tgiving, and yes, you know what I mean by that. Adult store, because no one should be alone on Tgiving. Maybe a few bars at night. Outside of that, everything else should be closed so people can enjoy the day with their families.

The CVS at the top of my street was open all day today. Why? So some himbo can pick up a can of Axe? I passed by it a few times today. It looked like there were some shoppers in there in the morning, but the parking lot was empty tonight. Even though I detest fucking CVS, there are still people in there, maybe they had to inconvenience their families to work the night shift and sell a few packs of cigs and Red Bull.

There are stores opening up at 4 fucking AM tomorrow. That’s just not right. How can a retail warrior enjoy dinner, when they know they have to go to bed (probably sober, too) early, to wake up even more early, to go deal with total shitheads for hours on end? If you never worked retail, count yourself lucky, it can be a thankless job. I know, I worked record stores for 9 years. It’s not like these sales magically happen. Most stores will make employees work late Weds night to set up the Black Friday sales. If a store opens up at 4, it’s a safe bet that employees have to be there at least an hour before opening. So factor in getting ready and driving, it is an ordeal. Let’s face it, it takes a “special” kind of person to even do Black Friday, so you can expect a lot of attitude, rudeness and ignorance. If we want to raise the IQ of this country, we should just bomb the parking lots in the morning. We’d be doing ourselves a favor.

People will be bitching since the store has too few items like the Comp USA PC. Idiot shoppers will be tired of standing in line in the cold and dark. And when those doors open up, look out. A human wave of idiocy washes in. I always enjoy watching the news at noon on Black Friday. It never fails. There’s always video of some Target or Walmart opening up in the middle of the night, and the white trash barges in. Yup, that’s a trampling. Never fails. This year I’m guessing we will see such scenes from Texas and Minnesota. Check me if I’m wrong. Of course, we will also see shoppers getting into fights. Who’s going to get the last of the 3 available HDTVs? There’s always yelling and finger pointing. I find it comical. People, is it really worth the hassle? The hassle of getting up early, waiting in the cold dark, and then getting all WWE when the doors open? To me, the answer is clearly no.

I was leafing through the sale papers today. Sure, there’s some good prices, but I still don’t think it’s worth it. You can’t put a pricetag on sleeping late in a nice warm comfy bed. Some prices are tempting, hell, today I saw great prices on crap I didn’t even know I wanted. I don’t know about you guys, but if I was to even fathom to attempt any Black Friday shopping, it sure as hell would be to buy ME shit. You think I wanna put up with all this shit to get a cheap sweater for Aunt Jeanne? Hell no.

So why is this an industry rant? Because the people in the various Ivory Castles who make these ludicrous decisions don’t even work those hours. No, those people are home, or maybe they got to travel for Tgiving. They don’t have to go to bed early on Tgiving. They don’t have to show up to a store at 3 AM. They don’t have to deal with all the headaches that come with it. No, they’re the ones that deep discount an item, then make sure each store only gets like 5 of them. Who does the consumer vent at? Those in the Ivory Castle? Hell, no, it’s the poor schmuck who isn’t getting paid enough to deal with this shit. Most FYE managers are now required to work 6 day, 60 hours weeks now. All while their corporate office flacks are at home, drinking hot cocoa, and probably laughing at the retail warrior. Having a 4 day weekend while Rome burns. I don’t know how working 6 day 60 hour weeks is conducive to family time of just life in general. The managers are salaried, so it’s not even like they’re making OT or anything.

Somewhere along the line, this whole Black Friday thing got way outta control. And now it’s a pissing match. One big store opens at 4, well, now another one has to open at 3. Fuck, Kmart was open all day today. That’s pretty fucking unfair to the workers there, who surely miss out on some family time. There are outlet stores here that are opening at midnight. How can any of those employees enjoy Tgiving, when they know they have to go to work right after? The Comp USA I talked about above was supposed to close at 12, now they might not close till sometime this morning since there are still so many people there.

There’s all kinda of gimmicks now to get you in the store at fucking 5AM. Coupons or sales that are only good till 11. So does that mean you have to be in line by 11? Rung up by 11? You just know there’s gonna be bitching. Some places have discounts first thing in the morning, and as the day goes on, the discounts decrease every hour. So now I have to take a frigging calculator to Kohl’s to figure this shit out? Some places give you x amount of store dollars the more you spend. But you only have a week or so to use the store dollars. That, and you can’t use them when the sun is up, the stars are out, that fucking Bruce Springsteen Xmas song is playing and on days ending in ‘y’, so good luck with that.

Now it’s a necessary evil to do it. It’s all about the Benjamins. I know I’m just screaming at the wall here (which keeps waking my wife up, BTW). Every year, I see tons of people doing the Black Friday thing. Store shelves are wiped clean. Carts and carts of goods are wheeled out to cars. Motards raving about how much money they saved, and all their shopping is done. Fuck off, no one wants to hear that shit. Retail giants trumpet the lavish numbers they did. And I feel so sorry for the retail warriors who have to put up with all the bullshit on a store level. The decision makers work their 9-5 Mon-Fri gig at the corp office, then saunter off to the weekend, while the guys I know are left explaining why they’re sold out of loss leader item X.

So tomorrow, take a few minutes to think of the retail folk. Retail readers, I will be thinking of you through out the weekend.