Ivory Castle

Originally writted 7/31/7

Another in an occasional series of rants concerning the music business. Letting you in on all the inside dealings, and maybe helping explain-or further confuse-the the actions of the record biz.

The topic this time is Ivory Castle Disease. Also know as White Tower/White Castle/Ivory Tower Disease. I’ve probably used all of the above terms over the years to explain this concept. But for the sake of this entry, let’s agree to call it Ivory Castle Disease. There is no known record of anything with this name (and yes, I did look for it). I won’t take credit for it, since I am pretty sure I heard of it before. I must have, ‘cause I couldn’t have been able to make the story up myself. So just what is this disease?

Let’s take a trip back to the early days; yes, the good old feudal period. It was during this era that the royalty lived in huge ivory castles. These opulent buildings towered (duh) over all the peons, plebians and commonfolk. All these real people went about their business, living in reality, while the kings and queens lived in a totally different reality. The commonfolk worked for their meager possessions. The ivory tower inhabitants had the system as such that they profited from the plebians, massively. While the townfolk slept in beds of damp hay, the royalty slept in beds of…I dunno…gold or such. Well, I guess gold isn’t than comfortable. Let’s say the queen slept on golden hay. All those in the ivory castle were unaware of what it was like to work for a wage, to have everyday worries, to have money problems. No, the royalty was born with that proverbial silver spoon, and never knew any different. They didn’t live in the workaday world, living in poor conditions, having problems. But yet, there the royal family was, making decisions that affected their citizens more than themselves. They were above their citizens, hell, they might even have looked down on them. The royal family had no idea of how this world below them moved. Sound familiar?

I’m sure you can say your current job sounds like this. I can say that my previous job was very much like this. And therein lies a big part of the problem. The disconnect between all the People Upstairs and the commonfolk on our level (me being a field rep, you working retail) has grown to sad proportions. It’s a big part of why the biz is in the shape it is. Ivory Castle disease has lead us to this situation. I don’t think it was my doing or your doing, but their boneheaded decisions that got us to where we are. That disconnect between CEO and Joe Averagemusicbuyer is so huge, and key to the dire straits the biz finds itself in, I can’t emphasize it enough. And most of that disconnect comes down to one basic fact.

NO ONE IN THE IVORY CASTLE BUYS MUSIC.

It’s just that simple. They do not buy CDs. They do not go out to a store to buy the latest release. Hell, they probably don’t even know where their nearest independent CD store is. (But to be fair, the chauffer might know where the nearest FYE is). They have no idea what it’s like to spend money on a CD that they might hate. They don’t buy music because they don’t have to. If something comes out on another label, they simply pick up the phone or shoot an email to a contact they have at the label. The contact then sends them the CD, and usually a few more as well. In all fairness, I can say that this happens on the field rep level as well. I developed “friendlies” at other labels that we traded CDs. But here’s a difference. I would also freely buy any CD that I wanted. Maybe because I was not well connected as the Suits. But the Suits have connections everywhere. The record biz is the only one I know where people can fail upwards. I would elaborate on this phenomenon, but that’s another post. The Suits don’t go to record stores. I don’t even think they are aware of the irony of running a record company, then not going into record stores. They don’t know what it’s like to comb through used CDs hoping to find that long lost gem.

I often said that it should be a rule that everyone higher than me should have to work in a record store. What better way to bring some reality to the Ivory Castle? Just think about how much they could learn, seeing the consumer at this level. Do you think such stupid practices as exclusive tracks would still exist? Well, probably, exclusives would exist, but at least to have their eyes open, and see how their boneheaded decisions affect real people and the music industry. Exclusives are such a key example of the Suits not having a clue what they are doing to the business as a whole. I can just imagine how that meeting went to discuss the Smashing Pumpkins exclusive went. But it would have been much better if I was there. Just imagine…..(squiggly lines, squiggly lines..)

Chief Suits: “OK, we got this Pumpkins record coming out. They were a huge band with strong ties to the indies. What can we do to maximize sales?”

Another Suit: “Exclusives. You can never go wrong with exclusives.”

Me: “What?”

Chief Suit: “Exclusives, huh? That’s a good idea. Who should we target here?”
Another Suit: “Target?”

Chief Suit: “Brilliant! Target’s one of the biggest music retailers in the world. Bravo. Who else?”

Me: “Um, how many copies of the Corgan solo record did Target sell?”

Chief Suit: “Who the hell is Corgan? And who the hell are you? Aren’t you the singer for Nickelback? How did you get in here?”

Another Suit “We can’t forget Best Buy. And maybe those iTunes folks.”

Me: “Wait a minute, what about the indies? All the ones that got behind them in the beginning. All the ones that sold Gish?”

Chief Suit: “What the hell do those hippies have to do with this?”

Another Suit: “Uh sir, I think he’s talking about one of the Pumpkins early albums.”

Chief Suit: “There were albums before Siamese Dreams?”

Me: “You can’t leave out the indies? Don’t you know that this practice of exclusives alienates the fan base? Do you really think in this day and age, a fan will buy 3 different versions of the same album? This shit just sends people to LimeWire etc to get the missing tracks for free.”

Chief Suit: “Look Kerwin, I don’t know who you are…”

Me: “Actually, it’s Kevin…”

Chief Suit: “Like I said, Keith…”


OK, so maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but conversations of that sort do take place at every major label, not just my former home. And the Ivory Castle disease also hits closer to our level. To some of my many bosses whose name I actually knew and had varying degrees of interaction with. I recall an event we did for an indy chain in Northeast PA. Now this chain was way cool, broke all kinds of artists, and was always looking to do instores, giveaways, etc. I got wind that another label did a presentation for them. This pissed me off, because I always considered them my account, and how dare someone else horn in on my action. After some finagling, we managed to do a new release presentation. It was a pretty good crowd, the chain’s owner, buyers, and managers from every store were going to be there. I saw this as a golden opportunity. You can’t bullshit these kids, they were sharp. We were even ‘fortunate’ to get 2 of the NY flaks down. And that was a struggle. As with most out-of-the-box situations, this got to be a huge hassle. I was proud we were getting to do this presentation. I spent weeks putting together a 3 hour presentation; advance music, videos, info and of course jokes. The day before we were to have the meeting, I got word that NY wasn’t going to come out. I was pissed. I got right on the phone, got right through to one of them. “What the fuck do you mean you’re not coming to this?” “O,..no..no.. we’re still coming.”

They didn’t want to come. Maybe they didn’t want to come just because they didn’t want to. Or maybe it was because there was a baseball playoff game going on that night. Like it’s impossible to find out the score to a baseball game.

So we get to the presentation. It’s me, the sales rep, and 2 NY flaks. This account knew me, since I went there on a semi regular basis. A few knew the sales rep. And no one knew the flaks. So I introduce them. And they proceed for 20 minutes to hype the Darkness. Granted, the Darkness was a huge push for us at the time, but to come into a room with people you never met, and basically shill for this one band irked me, I think it irked other as well. I remember asking someone to keep tabs on the big baseball match, trying to make that a little F you to the flaks. We do the presentation, and it goes well. Now, you would think the flaks would have enough presence of mind to stay afterwards and chat with these accounts they never visit, you know put a good face on. But, no. No sooner did we wrap up, and those guys blew everyone off, and ran to the hotel bar. I went to their table after they left, and found a note one wrote to the other.

It just said “too long”. I held onto that note, still have it today.

Some of the stores wanted the flaks to stop by the next morning. These flaks had never been into one of these stores, and since there were a few nearby the hotel, I made sure the stores looked good. I didn’t have much to worry about. These stores actually wanted the flaks to stop in for a few minutes. They were proud of their indy stores. I was looking forward to it too, it would be at the very least good PR for the company. But that didn’t happen. Instead, the flaks left 9 AM the next morning, never called us to say they were leaving. Needless to say, the stores were disappointed and felt slighted. I took this as a personal pissing in my Cheerios. Another blown opp. No, the royals couldn’t rub elbows with the commoners this day. That left me having to do some PR to at least save some face. But it was a stone cold dis. And what ever happened to those 2 flaks. One is well vested with a Uni label, the other one fortunately got the ax the same day I did. O man, the post I could do on him….

Back to the high level inhabitants. I used to be tight with the old WB regime. Some of them were still around while yet another regime was coming in. I got this story from him. I believe it to be true. One of the mid-level flak was looking to fly somewhere for work purposes. But, he had a back problem, and would need to fly first class. (Being a taller guy, I totally get how stifling coach can be for a long flight.) He was told no buy a Higher Up. While the Higher Up was golfing. This would be the same higher up, that after we flew coach to Atlanta for a meeting, then vanned in to the hotel, shows up right after us in his own limo. Yea, we got all kinds of emails and memos to be frugal on this trip, and here is this guy, showing up in front of everyone. In a limo. Sure, I realize he flies a lot more than us, and I guess does many important things to justify 1st class and a limo. I grant that. But this is another guy I fully intend to go on about, but that will come at a later time. It will take me a while to work up to being that bitter to dish on this guy. When you see a post called Montreal, it will be about him.

But it looks like the heat is finally starting to catch up to those really responsible. When this new regime took over WEA, there were a lot of Island/Def Jam execs that came over. Now we all know Uni is the dominant label in this game. So I was excited to see what these guys could bring. I wanted to see what talent they could bring over. And now that they’ve been in place for a few years, I wonder what the fuck they were doing. Their one big artist ‘steal’?Musiq Soulchild. OK,l that was a #1 record, hot for a few weeks, then off the radar. What other artists did they develop? You can’t count James Blunt, because he was already buzzing from overseas. So all these big names you would know, and read comments from in Billboard did what? Collect big checks, I know that much. But now here’s the problem. You’ve terminated the field staff, there is no representation in the stores. (Yes, there is a built in excuse when a record doesn’t perform, they can now say “Well, due to recent layoffs, we don’t have the proper repping in the accounts” You watch, something to that effect will be said by WEA about a WEA release sometime before the year is out) Now, there is more pressure for these Ivory Castle folks to produce. And if the current internet rumor is to be believed, one of those Names is under the gun, and might be out of a job. (Surely, he’d be snapped up by another label, after getting a golden parachute, and would still make a lot of money for doing what?) I can only shallowly sit on the sidelines and root for his demise.

Ivory castle Disease is not the only issue here. There are many other issues as well; people management, time management, release schedules, Montreal, etc. But the plan is to dissect all these problems here in the coming weeks. And all these issues are not independent of each other. Ivory Castle Disease has a part in time management, and Montreal has a role in people management, etc. After being out of the biz for over 2 months now, I am surprised I am not very bitter. Longtime Missile readers will know bitterness plays a key role in my writing. And it just takes me a while to work all that up. For example, this post has been rattling around my head and PC for weeks now. It just takes some time to make it right and worth the time it takes you to read it. I don’t really miss “street-blitzing” (time management issue, people management issue) on Tuesdays. It’s hard to be bitter when it’s so beautiful outside. So that’s the scoop. As always, thanks for reading.