Little Weight

Originally written 6/27/7

That’s what I tell them it feels like.

“So, Kev, what’s it feel like with the summer off?” “How’s the job hunt going? Any news”

It feels like a little weight
.
Like there is a little weight tied around my neck. It gets heavier by just a little bit each day. Barely enough that one would even notice any daily change. But every day it gets just a bit heavier, pulling me a bit closer to the ground. Every day it’s a bit harder to drag around.

I think we all have just enough ego to think that if we were suddenly found jobless, all these cool offers would come to us. We wouldn’t even have to update the resume. We’d get that one job that was way cooler and paid more than the previous. And we would rise up to spitefully vanquish our previous company into the ground, all with an air of “see, I told you I was better.”

But it doesn’t work that way in the real world. Instead, I get up just about the same time every morning that I used to when I was working. I spend a few hours in front of the computer, constantly changing things in my resume, or spend hours on job sites. Next thing I know, a few hours have gone by, and what have I really accomplished? Damn, it’s almost like when I was working. A good friend of mine (yes, I do have them), told me a bit about the psychology of looking for work. Now, he has a job, but he will troll Monster, etc from time to time. He told me about how people spend hours and hours on job sites, and usually don’t really get anywhere. And they get discouraged. Being in that position, that makes sense, I can def see that happening to people.

Monster is a cool site in essence. There’s a ton of info and job there. The sorting functions are generally pretty good. You put in jobs/titles you are looking for. Stuff like “creative”, “marketing”, “field rep”, “global dictator”, etc, and it will spit out matches to you. You can set up an ‘agent’, where by you will get an email every other day or so with new jobs that are close to what you’re looking for. This is where it gets a little strange.

For example, it sent me a job for helicopter repair.

Yes. Really. Helicopter repair.

You guys know me, my talents, my strengths. Would you feel safe flying in a helicopter I repaired? Hell no. The only worse news would be that your parachute was made by the EMI rep.

I spend other time reaching out to friends, contacts, WEA refugees to see how they are doing and if they might know of something. (So all you reading right now, if you know of a job for me, don’t be holding out, yo). More than likely, the job will come from some sort of contact. That’s how I got the last two. I see friends often. I think some dance around the subject a bit because they don’t know how I will take it, but, really I’m fine with talking about it. You never know where that killer lead might come from.

Still, it’s a bit weird. Sometimes it’s easy to get the feeling society looks down on you because you don’t have gainful employment. I dunno, like you’re a little less of a person or something. I do feel a bit guilty at times. But I justify that by telling all my friends to keep working so I can collect unemployment. Yea, it’s a double edged sword like that.

I miss being able to talk shop. Say for example, I go out with 2 brain surgeons (because all my friends are brain surgeons). And they talk shop; all the intricate details, speak using initials (“I was using the CATScan for MRI results to confirm the BSL of the FOL.”), problems, etc. They speak that language that only someone else with their jobs understands. I do miss that aspect..

I would like to say I’m enjoying my Endless Summer, but that’s not entirely true. I would enjoy it a lot more if I knew, at such and such a date, I would have The Job. But until then, it feels hollow. The times spent dozing in the hammock after a hard days’ work is far better than the time dozing in the hammock after looking at PhillyJobs all damn day. There are some advantages I guess, but getting a regular check for rewarding work would be far better. Now I go to the gym in the morning instead of night. It’s me with all these retirees, teachers, kids, nurses, etc. Kinda surreal. I often wonder what the 75 year old guys think when they see me. “Yea, he’s unemployed.” And it doesn’t help after seeing Knocked Up that I decided to have my own Ugly Man contest. In the movie, on a dare one guy won’t cut his hair or shave for a year. And since I got no interviews going on, I decided to try to grow a ‘stache like Paul Sr from OCC. Until the wife figured it out and said she’d hate it. So now it’s just a goatee. I hope I’m tempting fate by getting it just where I want it, then getting interviews. You won’t read about that strategy in any job books.

I keep trudging on. I know The Job is out there, it will just take a while to find it. And slowly, I will continue to build my Evil Empire, and gain influence. Magazine covers. Awards. Fame. They will all come.